Backflip it!

Frontiering, the FINAL TWINKIE!

2010-07-30T04:01:00.000-07:00

(I wrote this a few years back when I regularly updated this. To date, this is my favorite thing on the internet. No matter how immature it may be. Its been a while so I figured I'd give this blog one final post, making it the 51st post on it. Much love to people who read and enjoyed it and its grammar mistakes and unedited form)

Life Lessons with Rek and Ami

Yo, I know I've been abesent the past few months on the forums so I decided to make it up to you guys. Not with Storytime but with a new segment with Ami and myself, in which we will explore the lessons life gives us in all catagories from nucular condoms to the adverage bee sting treatments and all that good shit.

But this first one is about, love. And who fuck'n better to explain it than Ami...And of course, me.

I. Getting the female's attention

1. Stalker approach - Not my typical favorite, big reason is cause it basically tells the entire world you have a small penis. Not to mention it makes you look like a pervert and not all women can play with that, so if you're caught they most likely will resort to law enforcement or the alpha male to beat you like pinyata in the middle of a birthday party.

2. Throwing something blunt at her - I love this approach, this shows you do not fear anything she can throw back at you. Don't run, admit you threw it and flex your nuts with fuckin pride. However, if she is no longer moving. You. Are. Boned.

3. Old fashion way - Go up and introduce yourself to her, admit you like her, say something nice, show self-control, and accept whatever she says.

I2. Ami's Views

1. Rek did this one, unfortunately he killed the alpha male.

2. Rek did this and brought me to his home.

3. Rek did this too...Rek, you did the last one when I had you chained up against your own wall.

(Rek Gives no comment)

II. Dating

Ok so she has you on a choke collar and- I mean, you gotz the digits and now its time to put your batman uniform away for one night and show her how much you really love her...No! You fuck! No p in the v right now! ARE YOU FUCKIN STUPID!?.

1. Planning the evening - Times and dates are for organized asshats, you want her for the night then you take her for the night. The usual list.
Dinner
Movie
Couch/Car lounging
keeping her around
or
saying good night

Dinner - Rape your wallet. rape your own wallet and show her "Baby wants, baby gets if its under the dollar menu" offer to buy her dinner, if she refuses and wants to pay for it herself, offer to pay for SOMETHING you egolistic douche!

Movie - Its a date, try to find something you both enjoy...usually can't go wrong with a Comedy, Thriller, or Horror film. Stay away from chick flicks and/or love stories...they make you think under a different mentallity.

Lounging - Unwritten Rek laws about sitting on a couch with your signifgant other.
-Sitting in the middle - On a full sized couch, it sits 3 people...this is a threat if you have someone else besides just the two of you. Rule #fucking 1, FELLOW BROTHERS! ALWAYS, ALWAYS SIT IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE! The one you love should be either on the left or right of you, preferably in a visual path of the tv.

-Being support - They lean on you, support them, Let them lie there, on your shoulder, your chest, your crotch, whatever.

-No sleeping - sleeping on a couch is never a good idea, pisses off roommates and family members from Cuba.

-In the car - Buy her a pretzel and stfu.

She stays and fucks your brains out - ...WTF DID YOU DO!?

Saying good night...without the goods - Take her home, tell her you had a great time, kiss her if she'll let you(make it count, fucker)go home and masturbate to her name (and that picture you took of her picking up her purse you smacked out of her hand but said it was an accident...you sick bastard) Then cut a slab of meat at the local butcher and sell it for weed...

Ami's Comments

-So thats why you took me to Burger King for our first date, you cheap fuck! And what the fuck is this about "How to sit on a couch" bullshit!? I don't have family from Cuba, you never bought me a goddamn pretzel and is that what YOU did after our first date!? Ugh, I can't believe this shit...

-Final Thoughts

Way I see it, if you really love someone for who they are and not only what they look like then you honestly don't need help on this kind of thing because it will just come natrual, just like Ami's medication. If you do need help, shit son you know how talk, get help from the one person that can give more information about the relationship than a phone directory about the number of that one pizza place you rarely order from...YOUR signifigant other...if you don't feel comfortable then, there is always...the internet.

Men and Women may be different, but they are both human and have emotions...be careful about who's you fuck with.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a fight with Ami at the living room in 5 so good luck folks and happy fucking!

-Rek and Ami OuTz

CIDER HOES! NINE FOR FUCKING!

2008-03-31T04:02:00.000-07:00

Fucking RWAR! you bander fucks, for those who dunno its ChuckTheLandslides mother fuckin Birthday, so heres to him having a truly epic day.

I on the other hand have been quite busy here on fuck mountain. For starters, I felt I needed to give Iori the finger, so I marched down and pissed one on his NEW Caddy. Busting from the door like a lunatic on crack smacking a grandchild, he finally decides to fight me.
"Thats it, THAT'S FUCKING IT! I'VE HAD IT!" he whined
In an epic growl n snarl I dove at him, dropping my elbow into his face, he slammed through the earth and was in the newly created crater I just made, Krit crawled out from it. "How, how did fuck did I get here?" she said as she wandered away from the fight. Iori rose from the crater with a purple fireball in his hand.
I call him a faggot and he gets all pissy and throws a dog at me. I headbutt it, turning it into a puppy. He throws a baseball bat, I catch it and send it back at him as an elephant. Dodging that array of bullshit we are suddenly playing checkers and I lost, I flip the board and tackle him, rolling down the hill we destroy a village and land in an airplane. From there we jump out and fight while parachuting toward the ground, a storm faggotly rolled in, I tell it to fuck off, it cuts itself and runs away sobbing.

Upon landing atop a millitary base we accidentally launch a rocket, and fight on it. I farted and the rocket explodes. And Iori had meter, fully standing. I sucked on wake up, when out of the blue an oompa looma assist. Ami came out to say
"I found your wallet, it was in this parrot." but not understanding her forgien language I tell her to shut up and make me a sandwich. She snaps with "No, fuck you." and wanders away. Iori goes to throw his gay super judge uber-charged purple fireball but as it leaves his hand and contacts the ground, Krit appears. "What the fuck!? HOW!?" she looks at me "YOU!" as she begins to roll up her sleeves, getting out her KKKatana. Iori begins to laugh but I take his voice away and give it to a hippo. Krit begins chase but I throw a hole on the floor, she falls in. I pick up the hole, fold it up. And put it in my pocket.

I then go back to my throne to reflect on the day...WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SAMMICH!? AMI! And no, I still havn't let Krit out of the portable hole yet...

-Rek OuTz
(Pocket Krit, lol)

Krackin Moses!

2008-01-13T16:09:00.000-08:00

Hey shitfucks, I decided to spew a entry in this bitch.

Recently, winning a auction(I took the fucker)for the Back to the future car. I got in to find out it was missing the flux compass...whatever the fuck! The Flux thing! Enraged I took a sack of kittens and beat the douche I bought it from.

From the echos of stompings and shriekings, Ami informed me that it never has a fluxajigawhut. So I slapped her with a ceiling fan. Chuck, Krit, and the Judge also were at the stealathon. Chuck raced toward me, the camera panned back to my face, then showed the same clip of Chuck running at the same distance...this went on for several minutes before Krit kicked me in the balls. As I fell over she smiled,
"Hi Rek, what are doing here? You know you can afford shi-" but she was cut off but a cackling. It was Bizzaro Rekano,
"AH HA! you douchebags! I will now free Pyramid Head from his prison cell!" but The Judge issued an banning withen an instant of the idea, however the deed was already done and Pyramid head began wrecking havoc on my shit. Seeing this as no time to fuck Ami, I teamed up with Landslide and was prepared to give this fuck a vigious fisting! Krit went katana and sliced up Iori's buick. for no damn reason as she LAWL'd with each slice n swipe.
"MY FUCKING CAR! WHAT THE HELL!? I HAVN'T EVEN BEEN IN THIS SEASON YET!" a scream was heard as Kabal came out of White Castle on his break, saw the massive giant Pyramid head ceature and went back inside as if he had seen nothing.

Satan who had been eating at the same White Castle saw this as a way to win his checkers game with Jesus, but he still had 50 more sliders...so he ignored the bullshit outside..."King me."

Meanwhile, Chuck handed me a Vault "Yo, active reload that shit." and I did, which killed the seven dwarfs, which made Krit sad. Reliving a rush of pure epicness, I slapped the Pryamid head with a massive Hadouken...which I was stopped by Capcom due to copyright laws...fuck. Chuck, got a call and boarded the Landslidian and drove away. Krit was too busy watching TV to notice wtf had gone on.

Pissed to high hell, I grabbed my Back to the Future jammed Bizzaro Rekano and Pyramid head in it, along with Iori's buick and a order of fries plus a midget from the mall. I active reloaded the car and my right fist, I reared back. and yelled,
"ITS TIME FOR A FISTING!" Ami then closed her legs and screamed "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" and upon impact the car disappeared...

The judge came from the restroom as a poodle exploded, "You done yet?" Krit happily said "yes" and followed him away. Chuck pulled a blues brothers and parked the car while hitting a old man. "Yo, Guilty Gear?" and with that, I tied Ami to the car and we head to Philly.

(meanwhile)
Bizzaro Rekano, Iori's buick, and Pyramid head were stuck in a alternate sub space...so, while there they decided to play Go Fish, which was found in Iori's car.

-Rek OuTz!
(FUCK DA BENZ!)

The Judge, rather than help...he grabbed a newspaper

NUMBERS STICKY FUN!

2007-11-18T16:26:00.000-08:00

Hey maggot bitches, I figured I'd update this mother fucker cause to my cock, it seemed like the best course of action. Day started off Chuck and I playing Guilty Gear, when suddenly a monster truck busted right through the wall and rev'd its engine...Chuck and I look at it, look at each other, and then go back to Guilty Gear. The monster truck, ignored the rest of that time. Cried and drove away. Emo Truck.

As my session came to a close, Iori came a knockin at my door, I open it and scream as loud as possible "NEVER-FUCKING-MORE!!!" before slamming it with such a force, Ami appeared.

I decided to visit Krit, so I kick down the same door and ride it to a train station, to an airport, which then I had to walk to a mule store, when lead me to a midget, who exploded upon setting eyes on me, homo lil bitch.

Finally, Ami and I are in Krit's house, she walks into the living room where we are sitting, playing marbles for whatever reason..."How did you guys even get in here?" I gave Krit a hug, so Ami. Jealous, kicked me in the balls...Krit who thought that looked fun, joined in. Iori walked in and kicked me in the ass, which then Ami and Krit turned on him cause he owe'd them both 5 dollars and started kicking the shit outta him. Using Okizeme, I recover off the floor, suddenly random people started coming out of rooms in Krit's house...she stopped, "WHAT THE HELL REK!?" she said to me, "HOW COME ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE IN MY HOUSE! GET OUT!" but no one heard her. "Oh that's it." she said, leaving the house...suddenly, the roof was removed off the house and Krit grew to 80 ft again, reaching in her home and picking everyone up...then, leaving us in a random small tree, outside her house which for some reason we couldn't get down from as she shrunk to normal size walking back to her house. I then ask Jesus to pass me the Doritos as a small child got mauled by a bear...in the very same tree.

We might be in this tree for a while...
-Rek OuTz
(I DUN NEED TOOTHPASTE!)

Gwam had NOTHING on meh CHEDDA!

2007-09-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

Well guys, I am in Tekken 6, under the alias Bob, A NEW CHARACTER confirmed for Tekken 6.
I dyed my hair blonde(even with teh goodies) and went for a shoot. Here are pics.

http://www.kobayan.jp/images/arcadia/arcadia0710-09l.jpg
Scan from an Arcadia Mag, some Asian magazine.

http://www.tekken-official.jp/tk6ac/characters/bob.html
Official Tekken Website, showcasing my AWESOMENESS! (even as a Blonde)

http://www.tekken-official.jp/tk6ac/screenshot02.html
Pics on the above site, ME IN GLORIOUS ACTION!

Had to gain weight to do it too, Ami tried to get in, but was rejected due to constantly getting me food for the part.

EPIC WIN!

-REK OUTZ!
(Now, to talk to Namco-Bandai about adding a playable penguin character...hmmm.)

2 IN THE HAND = 87 OUT THE VAGINA!

2007-07-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

Never have I ever been so pissed off at Ami!

First shit decided that the "leather couch" wasn't worth having, now I could have listened to more but that was the 1st strike + my lvl 2 pissed, it = 3...FUCK YO MATH!

So I did what I usually do in great times of confusion...I bothered Landslide. Going over to his place we sat and played Guilty Gear for hours on end, talking about god only knows when BAM! I get hit by a massive brick.
"Not on my watch, you sonofachurch!" Landslide screamed as I jumped out the window he took the stairs to the randomly placed parking lot. We met Frank, the Asshole.

Ami randomly joined up she said something in plain English although I couldn't understand it. "Rek why aren't you at home?" I responded to her by smacking her with a bear claw, then shoved it in her mouth and patted her on the head. Krit walked by and noticed our current enemy, "Is that a walking trout!?" she exclaimed as Ami told her something in female speak Chuck nor I could figure out wtf they were talkin.

Chuck began a beastly drum solo on Frank when suddenly a Torque Bow arrows hits him first "Oh goddamn it!" Chuck exclaimed as Bizzaro Gopher laughed at the injury he has inflicted. I quickly reacted by Power Kneeing BG...but it clashed with his P and left me at -56 and I got comboed. Krit and Ami tried to hit him with daggers but they did nothing and he knocked them on their asses with a Power Wave. Iori, Kabal, and Jesus randomly stopped driving the ChristMobile. We all hopped in it and bailed, we put Daigo on the back of the car and drove from the area, he parried best he could and it was just enough to get away with a jar of M&Ms.

Ami then pulled me away from the pepsi machine and exclaimed "Did you hear a fucking word I said!?"...with that, I carried her out of the store, against her will...Oh and Frank?

...WHO THE FUCK IS FRANK!?!?
-Rek OuTz
(DIAPER SAUCE! NO!? FUCK IT!)

DOMINO X COLASTER RALLY!

2007-05-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

EPIC!

Thats the name of the douchebagable asshats that have unleashed a demonic curse on my soul, Ami and I looked forward to the game "Gears of War" on that fucking Xbox. We get it, first day. The following are the tales and misadventures of Rekano and GoW...

Teh Begining:
After getting XBox Live back, I turned off Ami's soaps and destroyed a midget as I turned it on. Krit, The Judge, Chuck, and several others introduced me to the basics, which I totally ignored. I was added to battle in an epic tournament but it was homo. so I gave the spot to Elton John, who lost them the tourney. However, it caused a split. many went their own ways...I stayed with Boss, Krit, and Gopher(The Judge) and continued the fight, dispite the fact they hated me. Krit said it wasn't true but Boss and Gopher's evil red eyes caused nipples to explode out of fear. Ami didn't approve of exploding nipples so we opted for exploding pigs.

teh Battle among allies:
Since we failed, much. We started battling each other, most of it consisting of laggy chainsaws, penis, back to the future styled shotguns, and pistols with ass fucking power. Chuck wanted no part of it so we didn't bother, I was replaced by a 3 year old, and the most epic moment...
Krit and I were the last ones alive, 1v1. and we started an EPIC pistol fight...after ass raping each other down...we quickly used our asian finger abilities(thank you Ami) and got up...at the same time and since we like ass raping, we did the same thing again...then we get up...she attempts to rape to the right but is shut down cause I host away and score a random headshot. This was the begining of the war....

shit:
Over time I changed, I was no longer the badass King I was a EMOY lil bitch, and Ami took advantage by running up my credit cards. Eventually we all quit...but my battle lasted longer than it should have...I took it to gamestop.

Gamestop...shit:
The man behind the counter did not want it back, saying that the curse was mine forever...Ami punches me in the balls and it all comes back to me (as well as my lunch) I jump behind the counter and force it down his windpipe while playing golf with bill clinton and watching Spider-Man 3. I emerge from the emergance hole and throw a frag into the gamestop...all while reving my Lancer in the sunset...Yeah I took the weapons, as well as the ability to active reload....ANYTHING!...Ami was the first thing I tested it on...with Iori screaming results.

Krit says I did the right thing as did Chuck who said "Play Halo, asshole!" and I did, proudly.

-Rek OuTz
(ACTIVE RELOAD YOUR MOM!)

My Snickers, your comic strippers!

2007-04-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

Evening assjackets, Well things have been chaotic here on Fuck Mountain. Ami and I have recently been battling my nemesis Bizzaro Rekano. Costing me Guilty Gear matches with Landslide, I promptly returned to my golden toilet throne and began flushing the bullshit in my house.

I keyed Iori's car as he then went on a rage and did started some badass combo, I active reloaded Bizzaro Rekano in my place and Iori beat the fuck out of him. While that was happen'n I fucked Ami while playing piano, which she thought was the shit.

Some metal toothpick, I believe ninjas call um daggers. Had a note attached to it, I rip it off...it read:
"Dear Rekano, please pick up the following from the store for me and Gopher:"
I stopped there, cause I knew it was important and behind me I see...some guy, he looked like the judge but sucked in many ways.

"FUCK ARE YOU!?" I yelled and spat into his face
"You idiot, thats Bizzaro Gopher...Corsair" said the hunk of junk on the floor
"I dunno what the fuck that thing said, but you broke Fuck Mountains number 1 rule! NO MUTHA FUCKAS!" I yelled at him
"Such a long winded behemoth you are, fucking choad." said the douchebag

Not wasting any time, I attempt to active reload a golden nunchaku drum solo on him, but his bullshit cannon was too much and caused me to jam. I threw Bizzaro Rekano at him, who he caught in one hand, then swooped down and took Ami. That's a no-no, and while I went to piledrive him he turned into a black cloud, then caused me to gag til I passed out.

I woke up with Jesus, Satan, and Death around me. Appearently I was ressurected, AGAIN! It was up to me to stop this Corsair assjacket...I knew fucking well I needed help, although I am the King Of Fuck Mountain...the fate of my mortal enemy and fuck toy are at stake. So, Wielding my active reloaded Chainsaw, I rode my trusty Thunderhorse down from Fuck Mountain, toward the North Eastern Fuck Yard...towards Philly. Landslide would be there or a cannonmaster would be questioned.

-Rek OuTz
(DON'T WORRY, YOUR A SHIT PIECE!)

Mailsax won't buy it...

2007-02-27T16:14:00.000-08:00

By pimp-slapping my toilet, I unlocked a door to Iori's house in which he was furious and decided to have battle with me but I trashed his Buick before he even had a chance. I rushed down from Fuck Mountain and closthelined Ami along the way. It was Landslide telln me there was shit going down somewhere and stopping it MUST BE DONE!

So we all hopped in the Landslidian and got to the place withen a minute, hitting 2 children with baseball bats, a midget appeared. Death was concerned and Satan laughed right before Krit slapped him with an Apple juice box. I dropkicked the midget into the next solar system.

Ignoring the original plotline, cause I can. I was actually at the mall, I was there cause Ami dragged me there. Krit and the Judge also accompyed us, its amazing. The Judge can setence the price tags to 40 years in prison for being so goddamn high. Chuck, Jesus, and Death also joined cause they were needing new instruments and-WHAT DA WHOA!

I got hungry to I slam up to Arby's I demand curly fries "10 mins" says the man behind the counter...that doesn't fly. So I made him fly, right into a fire. I then began ripping the place apart. the Krit and Ami both did a double low kick combo right to my jewels which caused a blue beam to shoot from my mouth which blew up half the mall.

The Judge ruled it out for its unimportance to the case at hand, causing the mall I blew up to resurrect itself...then cause I can. To be continued

-Rek OuTz
(NEVER A WAFFLE! ALWAYS A PANCAKE!)

Arms bitchin

2007-02-07T21:17:00.000-08:00

Ami had gotten a job at a gas station in the city, being bored with stepping on midgets and setting off flares in Satan's face. I grew very bored, not even boning giant women brought me any excitement. As my mind wandered and the chees went bad I got a plan to go kidnap my bitch back. I was then slapped by Krit.

Wasting no time I did a dive bomb straight in the city. I didn't bother wearing a mask cause Im not a fag nor a luchador(much respect for THOSE mask wearing pimps) so I kick the door down and grab a random bystander in the store, and held him at gunpoint.

"Gimme the Ami and NO ONE, gets hurt." I roared as Ami, who was working cashier said
"Rek, honey. That's a water gun..."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, AMI!"
just then Chuck came in and we were about to throw down but his cell rang and a vagina morphed into a venus flytrap like creature...Ami, Chuck, the bystander I am holding, and I went to fuck it once and for all! Chuck tried to drum solo it, it ate his drum sticks...he ran to his car, The Landslidian, yelled "Have fun with that." and drove off. Ami had to go back to work and Krit wanted NOTHING to do with this!

I finally shoved the dead for an hour bystander in the vagina so deep is had a cramp and died.
I farted and a small child turned into a bra.

-Rek OuTz
(MONSTERGINAS!)

Unpopular Paycuts

2007-01-23T10:59:00.000-08:00

Holla, Bitches!

Yeah I left this thing alone cause I've got more important shit to do that entertain you shitheads.

But I reclaimed Fuck Mountain and have rightfully took my place as King again, but Ami and I decided that this time would different and I can't say I like orange juice on sundays, but damnit there is a reason Spock sold me a fork in July before the 4th cause its against the law afterwards.

As I sat on my mighty throne taking a major dump I heard an explosion from downstairs, I kick the toilet and it rises up and walks me down while Im still taking a shit. I examine that Iori has just drove a monster truck through my living room. "HA! TAKE THAT FUCKER!" he screamed as I power knee'd him from the toilet I sat upon. (Btw, my toilet is made of pure diamond) The truck began to cry and threw Iori out of it, as well as Kabal. I wiped my ass on a bear and stared into its soul until it turned into a rug.

Ami came to me with a bill...Iori, Kabal, Ami, Death, Jesus, and Myself sat a round table with the Judge, Krit, and a sign that read "Working, bbl" where Chuck should be sitting as we tried to get everyone their paychecks...I ate them.

The Krit, while sipping on a Hi-C Juice box stopped and called me a fucker and went back to sipping it as Chuck's sign fell over and the Judge got upset over the amount of midgets in the room...then the other 4 female ninjas came in demanding their pay...Kabal and Iori busted out into solos while Satan was promptly kicked in the balls.

Cast
Rekano
Ami
Death
Satan
Jesus
Iori Yagami
Kabal
Rek's 4 Female Ninjas
Krit
The Judge
ChuckTheLandslide's Away message.

There, now quit e-mailing me to update. Fags.
-Rek OuTz!

Aristocats Joke Attempt

2006-12-18T09:37:00.000-08:00

Yo bitches, today is going to be a fucking version of an Aristocats joke using characters from the joke blog: Rekano, Ami, Chuck, Death, my other 2 female ninjas(Jenny and Alice), Jesus, and The Judge.

After rocking out at a convention the band and I were arrested and brought before the judge who asked "What the fuck happened?" I speak up "Want us to show you?" the judge suddenly got a bit nervous "Nah thats fine." then Ami also begged "Please?" Krit who was sitting beside the judge gets upset "No, let um. Lets watch them and then laugh at how much they suck anyways."

"NIIICE! 1, 2...123 GO!" and with that we started playing this metal song with Ami and I on vocals, Jesus on keyboard, death on guitar, and Chuck on drums, while the other female ninjas who hummed a tune. Suddenly the jury watched in awe as we took this show to new highs! Ami ripped her clothes off and started masturbating with the mic, Chuck took a his drumsticks and starts pounding on the other two female ninjas breasts while still holding a beat, Death decapitated half the jury, while Jesus shoved a bannana up a rhinos ass, who then took a shit on George Bush! I then decided it was time so I fight a 80ft tall woman, putting her into a submission hold and then forcing a log up her so far that her head literally explodes, and flooding the court room with blood and brains...All the while Ami is still Masturbating with the mic which makes such a noise over the speakers it revives the lost episode of "Land of the lost" which Chuck rushes over and drums to death. Finally the song ends when Ami "finishes".

The Judge and Krit stare in complete puzzlement on what the fuck had just happened "Wow." Krit said, "That was...Wow." The Judge interrupts "What do you fucks call yourselfs?" We all stand up (expect my other 2 female ninjas who died from beatdown" and at the same time say "The Orcales of Metal." The judge looks at us, looks at Krit, she shrugs and then says "Im sentencing you guys to...fuck this, c'mon Krit. We got places to be." Then they burrow away while we walk out from the court house...which blows up while we walk in slow motion...for no goddamn reason.

Ok thats that.

Rek OuTz
(FUCK BACON!)

Pixie Sticks Rot your genitals

2006-11-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

Kicked out of Fuck Mountain and tormented by travleing Hobos with toothpicks, I was dumped in a cornfield which I took a shit in and destroyed by pissing down a pair of pants, which weren't mine!

Ami was sent to Krit's and Krit bought a swimming pool for winter. Bizzaro Rekano had begun a war of epic rape parties...With the help of The Juggernaut, Jesus, Satan, a Jewish Lawyer, ChuckTheLandslide, and the secret weapon...Ivan Ooze, we marched onward to Fuck Mountain while I read the sunday paper with a unlit cigar!

Krit told me the most encouraging words to take into battle..."CLEAN THESE DAMN GUTTERS!" and I knew that was THE key to kicking Bizzaro's ass.

Until Next time...
Rek OuTz

Rekano, The Fat Man

2006-09-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

Rekano the fat man,
was a not so happy soul,
with a big ass pipe and a power knee,
and a heart made of coal.

Rekano the Fat man,
is a fucking legend, they say.
He was damn cold,
but the children know
how he took their lives one day.

There must have been some magic in
that old magnum they found,
for when they placed it in his hand,
he began to cap some ass!

Oh, Rekano, the Fat man,
was cold as he could be;
and the children say
he could murder and slay,
just hella better than you and me.

Rekano the Fat man,
knew the sun was bitchin that day,
so he said, "Fuck this shit, and we'll have some fun,
now, before I go away."

Down to the village,
with a boomstick in his hand,
Walkin' here and there,
all around the square,
sayin', "Sqeual and I'll plug ya."

He led them down the streets of town,
right to the train stop . . .
and those fucks never paused that moment,
when he hollered, "FUCK!"

Hmm, Rekano the Fat man,
never hurried on his way,
But he gave the bird goodbye, sayin' "Don't cry,mother fuckas!
I'll be back again some day."

humpety, hump hump, humpety, hump hump . . .
look at Rekky go!
humpety, hump hump, humpety, hump hump . . .
Better than you'll know!
humpety, hump hump, humpety, hump hump . . .
over the hills of FUCK MOUNTAIN!

FUCK YOU!

2006-09-12T13:31:00.000-07:00

Hi asshats, yo listen I am really not in the fucking mood to entertain to shitbags today. For the first time, Im not well. Not the usual not well, but the kind where you just don't give a fuck...but not like the every other day-FUCK IT! THIS DAY BLOWS! I WANT TO KILL SOMETHING! WHERE THE FUCK IS AMI? WHY IS RAINING SO GODDAMN MUCH!? HOW'D I DRINK ALL THE VAULT!

I'll have something better tomorrow, you'd better hope so cockfags.

so watch this damn thing or a rhino will rape you up the ass!
http://www.sheezyart.com/view/764570/

-Rek OuTz
(Need something colder.)

Toys that piss

2006-09-11T14:40:00.000-07:00

Four score and 70 dollars short of a hangnail removal, Ami decided we need a new couch. I had to agree in the sense I had put her through it, time and time again. So we went to some warehouse while some douchebag who obviously made me feel better about eating a chili dog, took us and showed us several different kinds.

"What kind are you looking for?"
*Rek and Ami at the same time* LEATHER!
"okay...all we have are these two.."
Rek: I'LL FUCKING TAKE UM!
"Ok, that'll be-"
Ami: Yeah, we will be taking them

Ami then snapped this dudes neck so many times, even Capt. Crunch went deaf! And so we had a fucking couch! I ran over a hippo with a lawn mower and Ami got wasted!
-Rek Outz
(Thoughts and prayers go out to the families of 9/11/01, not just today. But everyday. No one deserves to die.)

DOGSHIT!

2006-09-08T17:30:00.000-07:00

Upon discovering I had to get a coat hanger to hold up the building, a mouse wept as a cat pissed itself in fear of my presence. A dark cloud hung over me and Ami, following me was all bright and sunny, until I turned it off then she was down too.

We sat on a bench and the little fucking cloud began to rain on me and storm, I grabbed that S.O.B and piledrived that bastard into the darkest bowls of hell. Ami also assisted as she stood over the half dead cloud and we kicked the shit out it, then we fucked.

I then got this idea, give Ami that growth formula shit and have her rob a bank while I ate a Christmas ham. She refused, but I shoved that down her throat "This is disgusting!" she said, as I didn't mix it with anything like I did with Krit's. She grew but her clothes did not follow as Krits did (most likely cause I didn't sign a censory form for Ami, like I did for Krit)

I ordered her to rob the bank, but then we had an argument.
"Rek, what if they catch me...I COULD GO TO JAIL!"
"Your like what, 60, 70ft tall? Who the fuck is going to stop you!?"
Suddenly the Landslidian pulled up and out jumped Chuck, Ami got really upset.
"OH MY GOD! ITS CHUCK!" She grabbed me and held me as close to her tits as I could be without being a part of them.
"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL!" and she began to cry.
Chuck finally broke the silence
"Yo, big bitch. Shut the fuck up! Im here for general idiot!"
I busted out from where she held me by getting a boner that knocked her on her ass...I flexed a few times and soon I was back to normal
"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT!?"
"You and Ami, be my sidekicks for the day...Im not gonna pay you, but your going to fucking do it!"
I punched Ami in the gut and a child exploded while a school bus caught fire, Ami returned to normal size and a bee stung her nipple which cause be to eradicate the world bees of all kinds with one powerful stomp.
A musical happend and a Japanese porn star was in my pants! Kabal lost his transcripts to Dever the last dinosaur, who isn't my friend! I smoked a bowl with Death and a carwash was doomed to fail!

-Rek OuTz
(MOOOOOOOVE IT!)

DIFFERENT WATER!

2006-09-07T14:13:00.000-07:00

Ok fellow douchebags, Ami and I got our first jobs today since being kicked out of fuck mountain. We worked at this lame ass store that sold mostly food items.

Ami was working register and I was working the small movie and alcohol section. Here is how this went...

10am: Open the store
10:39am: First customer of the day, some pencil neck looking douche. Wanting to know if the place had "Friday the 13th" I grabbed him by his shirt collar and shoved a bottle of Whiskey down his throat and he then exploded from the amount of manliness that was bound in that bottle of booze.
11:00am: Kid comes in wanting Dragonball Budokai...Im ringing him up when I suggest Soul Calibur, he says it sucks. Wasting no time, I pulled out a shotgun from under the counter and blasted his head clean off his shoulders. His mother stood there in shock, I told her it was for the best and gave her a case of Tequila and send her packing.
12: Lunch.
12:34pm: Krit came in for her alcohol needs and asked if I had a copy of some documentary film...I told her "Only if she shows me her-" but before I could finish, she dissappeared.
12:something, I dunno. Chuck came in to check up on me as I stood hammered by all the alcohol I had drunk. Then he played Hatebreed from a boombox and the gears in my mind began turning, to HATE EVERYTHING AND TEAR IT THE FUCK UP! Suddenly a mob of people who were usually respected individuals of society began trashing the store, including Ami (after she had ripped a mans head off and ripped off a woman's boob with her teeth) I took part and began ripping the place apart with Landslide as we took everything and anything and destroyed it.
Landslide and I took a shopping cart down the frozen food section and hit every unsuspecting dick that stood in the fucking way! I grabbed Ami who was naked and making out this the glass and tossed her in the cart as she rocked out. Landslide spotted an old man walking and he took the American flag, on a pole and tossed it into the old mans chest. As we rolled by, we stood up and saluted.

Then Chuck checks his watch "OH SHIT! I have to go Rek." and he pressed a button and a mini helicopter burst through the ceiling and fly off with Chuck, along with boom box. Everyone now returning how they were. The Judge came in,
"Rekano, Ami. You two are a couple of straight up douchebags, I sentence you to clean this shit up and to never work in a Department Store...AGAIN!"
He slammed the gavel on some random child who exploded,
"GAH, GODDAMN IT! I JUST HAD THIS SHIT CLEANED!"
The judge continued bitching as he walked out of the destroyed.

Ami and I stood there, realizing this was not working. We went home and decided that we would try again tomorrow...or when I feel like it...for now...
TO TAKE MY ANGER OUT ON IORI'S CAR!!!!
-Rek OuTz
(TAILLIGHT IS OUT!)

SAUCE OF SHIT!

2006-09-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

Yo you fucks, Im back. As you know Im no longer King of Fuck Mountain. But thats fine, I swiftly moved back where I used to live...even though someone was living in it. I blew them up with the cannonmaster...

Nothing changed, shit even that huge ass hole where Ami destroyed the kitchen and where 80ft Krit had smashed down one of my walls. New on the agenda. Getting. A. Job.

Fuck that, I kicked back on the couch and propped my feet on the table as I guzzled Vault but then something was realized...NO MORE RUFFLES! FUCK! Had to go to the store.
With money being tight I dragged Ami to a Dollar Store to show her wtf I want, I went to the potato chip isle, but something was amiss and no it wasn't the smell of that 3 year old that shit itself at the door as I blew it down and stormed in. The BBQ Ruffles were nowhere to be found, Ami was also enraged as she also enjoyed BBQ Ruffles. We began ripping this place apart, I grabbed the manager and demanded he tell me what happened to the Ruffles and he has the penis to tell me "We have Wavy Lays..."Mother fucking christ birds! I dropkicked him so hard that he felt in another fucking diemension! Then Ami came up with a brillant plan to attack the Frito Lay company, its such a great plan. GLAD I THOUGHT OF IT!

I attempted to call Chuck to assist me in this plan but the conversation didn't go so hot...
Rek: YO I NEED YOUR HELP TO DESTROY A FRITO LAY HQ!
Chuck: On one condition...What the Fuck is a cannonmaster?
Rek: I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!
Chuck: HAHA! You suck -Click-

I did manage to get Death to join me on this fight against douchebaggery. I got fed up with this shit and kicked down the factory wall with my dick. Holy shit, it was actually an evil plot against me! My arch nemesis Bizzaro Rekano stood with that Sword the white ranger used in power rangers, talking to a fucking army of Frito Lay workers, FUCK!

The damn sword spotted me and flew at me and SHOT LASERS OUT ITS GODDAMN EYES! WTF! "You will die!" it said in a montonic voice "FUCK THAT SHIT!" Yelled and then grabbed it by the handle and slammed its face against the wall until it and the wall broke into little fucking pieces! While that shit happened Death killed all the workers and Ami somehow was npow tied up "BE THERE TO FUCK YOU IN A MINUTE!" I yelled as Bizzaro Rekano dropkicked me in the balls, which he hurt his foot.
Bizz: Damn you Rekano! Always foiling my plans!
Rek: I ATE PIZZA!
Bizz: Yes, you dolt. I am BETTER THAN YOU!
Rek: FLOURISH UNDER MY BALLSACK, BITCH!
Bizz: Is that a threat?
Clint Eastwood: Do you feel lucky?
Regis Philman: Would you like to use a lifeline?
Bill Clinton: I did not have sexual relations with that woman...
Krit: IM BUSY! GO AWAY! *slams door*
Chuck: What The Fuck IS A GODDAMN, CANNONMASTER!
Rek & Bizz: I'LL KILL YOU!

It was after all that we finally fought, even though it was an epic battle for the ages. I ended up giving him my dredded TRIPLE POWER KNEE! He exploded and I then super canceled into a POWER BOMB, which I the FRC'd into my IK...shits too good.
Unfortunately he had already destroyed all the BBQ Ruffles in the known universe and Ami wept as I screamed so loud a dog floated out of earths atomosphere...

-Rek OuTz
(I hate kids...)

No Long King Of Fuck Mountain: Read.

2006-09-05T19:48:00.000-07:00

I sent Ami out with a wad of cash to pick me up shit from the store, I sit there. Playing Super DBZ constantly bitching about how a gay series such as this. Finally tossing it out, I began practicing GG...then something fucking happened.

I was being fucking attacked "GAY!" I pronounced as I sucker punched a chicken into a plate of Hot Wings. Alot of weird shit was used. People I used to depend upon (Death, Satan, Jesus, CTL...etc) nowhere...and Ami...3 days, STILL AT THE GODDAMN STORE! HOW STEROTYPICAL! Then I see the bastards. Mr. Huge, Brolly, and Sol. It was time, I stood alone as I maned the cannonmaster, following up with epic Power Knees and brutal chokeslams, it was my finest hour. It seemed I had won...but I was visit by an expected fighter.

Blinded by the camera flashes and pyrotechnics, I could barely make out the figure. But I didn't have to. It was Hogan. I knew this would not end well in my favor. I attempted to Power Knee, alas it was reversed quicker than the recall on BBQ Ruffles. I used all my strength to attempt Chokeslam, but he put me through a table that simply WAS NOT THERE BEFORE!

I saw that Fuck Mountain was no longer mine to control, so I handed the crown and keys back to Sol. Packed up the Fuck Yard. And moved to this shitty apartment with Ami who I still harass.

In my battle with Hogan I can say this, that man. Is THE MAN, no questions. Now with bills to pay and shitty neighbors (Iori, Kabal. Looking at you douches) Ami and I now have to...get jobs...Im Rekano Mother Fuckers...how hard could it be?...

CHRISTMAS IS FUCKING CANCELED, YOU FUCK!

2006-06-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

Ok after playing basketball with the Harlem Globetrotters on the sun, I scratched my ass. Ami cheered. So After slam dunk'n a local Circuit City employee I decided to go home via giant mother fucking slingshot...but Ami, [insert man from Philly's name here] and I overshot and landed on an entire fucking planet of massive tall women...then it hit me like a kick in the nuts...cause Iori did. So I destroyed his buick. Somehow it was up to Jesus, Mai, Iori, Ami, Death, [insert man from Philly's name here], and myself to stop their evil plans. But then, GASP, OH FUCKING GASP! It was Death's rival! Father Time! FATHER MOTHER-FUCKING TIME! Death was now all for stopping whatever plan the old bastard with a scythe simular in power had in store.

We skateboarded over to a giant machine looking thing, then as we looked to the other side...we saw a large, sleek, sexy leg....oh no. Appearrently Father time convinced a whole squad of 60, 70, and 80 foot tall women to conquer Earth...Not on my Vault!

I charged in and began whooping bitches, 50 foot paddle style! But then one smacked me with her tits and it fucking knocked me to the sun...

Death: Fuck! Rek got knocked the fuck out. Chuck decided to ignore it and walk away but was picked up by one of them...in a classic act being from Philly, he smacked her hands and said "Down with me see! YA! Down with me!" then he took them all on with his fish launcher...which broke down because Rekano was hungry early and ate all the ammo. Chuck called forth the meat wag0n but...because we were on another planet...it didn't get a signal. Ami was straight up beasting them bitches and lost her clothes in the process. Iori and Mai really just ran in circles...until Iori got the idea to make Mai start stripping. Jesus and I got a plan to end them, because we could...and we did. Father time stood before us...Him and I had a classic scythe duel...Iori and Mai were turned into bunnies and started fucking, withen like a minute Chuck and Ami used a skateboard and started beating Father time over the head with it...when suddenly it got all bright...

SO I GOT BACK, I had some kids with me that I lit of fire with the sun and used them as flaming projectiles...I gotta admit, father time was a beastly old man...but I was the king of fuck mountain! So I called upon my Golden Nunchaku, Chuck and I then gave him a DOUBLE DOSE OF DRUM SOLOS, followed up with Ami's Lovely vocals, Death's Keyboard sounds, and Some Jesus rocking out on a guitar!

With that Father Time was sent to another universe...the giant bitches packed us a lunch and sent us home. I learned something today, using children on fire as projectiles give you muscle cramps...also, there is no use wearing a condom when fucking a 50, 60, 70, or 80 foot tall woman.

THATS WHY THERE ARE NO GODDAMN COOKIES!!!
-Rek OuTz
(i jumped down, turned around, and went to pick a bale of truth...but farted and blew away a daycare center.)

PACKED UP THE TRUCK!

2006-06-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, So I jumped off Mt.Rushmore and took a sandwich with me...as I fell. I decided to have a flashback...

Before Fuck Mountain...after the Apartment. I was tormenting people on the streets and killing Kids with HaxXsaws. Then I was stopped by a clan of female Ninjas. Since they all were asain. Most of them had low quality or sub-par titties. But there was one...one who's chest did not quite fit the suit. One who's mask kept her from breathing so she took it off. One who had SOME PRETTY FUCKING BIG TITS! Yeah, Ami. The Kunioichi Wonder. They attempted to stop me, but as they rushed in to attack Iori hit them with his car while driving by, which then exploded just being in my presence. Then the newcomer tripped and took a knife in the gut for me. I was truly touched...or at least my cock was.

The leader did not appear happy...even tho I didn't remember what the bitch really said...it went something like this...

Ami was part of a group of ALL FEMALE NINJAS. Their job were like any other ninja. Search, Find, Delete like a bad file...or flush like a bad shit, anyway there was this rule. If a clan goes out on a group kill and one of um protects the target then they are forever BANNED from the clan. Which is some major bullshit...the awesome part is Ami is stuck with me. Thats right, if she is caught without me near her, she gets reported and killed. I ate some Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I couldn't see the taste so I threw the bowl at Ami. Death showed up late as fuck, but I arm wrestled him for her soul, I won because thinking about her gave me a big111 that shook the table. Grossed out and scarred beyond all belief, I got Ami back and did everything I wanted to do to her the first night (I'll let you guess what that is!)

And after playing Scrabble, she began to cry...feeling mad I drew my shotgun and killed Old man baxter. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG!?" I rwared so loud that it woke the dead, which Ami and I put back to rest with Roundhouse kicks and god damn teddy bears! Then she explained to me that those bitches kicked her out of the clan...This was upsetting her to the point I couldn't even BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND! It went like this...

Ami: *crying* They are so mean! I wish I could make them pay *nudges my shoulder*
*reading from script* Me: Rwar. I will kill those bitches.
Ami: No! DON'T! THEY COULD KILL YOU!
*still reading from script* Me: No. They. Won't. *turns page* I'LL MURDER THEM! *crumples up script and storms out the door*

And so I promptly went there and killed each and every one with my cock in ways that made OJ Simpson cry. Then I saved the leader for last...with one, devastating roundhouse kick, her face just exploded with such a force that all children withen a 50 mile radius suffered ear bleeding. Ami and I have this...understanding. That, if its in OUR WAY! IT FUCKING DIES!

So After landing from my jump on Rushmore, [insert man from Philly's name here] only gave me a five...My only reply as we walked to a diner I put on fuck mountain. *reading from script* "Wow. You. bas-bastard. I am spitting *heavy sigh as I turn the page*...FUCK THIS! *crumples up script throws it at an old man, the old man implodes* ONLY A FUCKING 5!? I SHOULD FUCKING KILL YOU!

WAITER! MY DUCK IS COLD!
-Rek OuTz
(Needs more melons...)

::Bouncing teh Chicka! WHAT?!?!::

2006-06-02T14:23:00.000-07:00

Lemme just start this off with. Contrary to Rek, I am not an annoying valley-girl. I'm a jokester of course. And that's my special power. If I stopped, suicide rates would go WAY down. But I'm a bitch.

So yeah. Rek, Albee, Chuck-yeah, thats right. I can still use his name. For only the cost of my soul. Don't worry I'll get it back. I need it for that bet I need to pay off in Vegas. Anywho, we were hanging around the Monji machine, which magically pops up whereever I am.. Hmm, wonder why. So yeah, I was helping Ami out with some Resident Evil 4. Silly girl. I told her over and over not to go in the second house. She goes in. Well, Rek wasn't having it and picked her up by her ankle, swinging her around in circles then Tina Armstrong came out of nowhere and ass-attacked her for effect. So I took a pair of jumper cables and latched em onto Tina's quarter sized nipples and swung her around by them, letting go to let her fly into the sun.

So Rek goes into the kitchen to get some vault and a cheese pizza, and I tell him to get me one. He turned to me, quirked an eyebrow, it switching a bit at the thought of someone drinking HIS vault. Then I simply cross my arms and stare right back at him. "Ok, Monji." he says with a sigh and then goes into the kitchen. 5 minutes pass and we hear a girly scream come from the kitchen. It was either Rek or that little girl under the sink.

Albee, Chuck, Ami, and I rush to the kitchen only to hear Rek scream in a beastly roar as he threw the poor little girl down the garbage disposal. Chuck walked up to the sink.. grabbing an apple and holding it up, chunking it down the disposal, hearing the loud whirring of the blades, then let out a sigh of relief. "Great, it still works." he then took a bat and threw it down too, and sparks came flying out from the aluminum.

So we all grabbed random objects and threw em down the disposal. It was fun the things we threw down there. A teddy bear, plastic cups, Kabal's transcripts for Harvard, Iori's car, Iori himself, Death, my computer desk, a cat, and a little japanese kid. Then a german techno song started playing as we continued to chunk things in, and Chuck's brain imploded.

Albee shook his head and told Chuck to "Clean it up now, BITCH!!" But alas, Chuck had no head, therefore, no ears thereFORE.. A gerbil sat on the nub where his head should've been. It looked.. really strange. Then the slow motion shit kicked in, but my ninja skills are far more superior. So I rushed over to the lever, only to find-

"Solid-FUCKING-SNAKE!!!" Rek shouted with a gaping mouth, before a little kid at the foot of the mountain, who was telling his mommy he had to pee, exploded into a pile of rats.

Ami only stared, Albee narrowed his eyes, and Fatman showed up from the dead.

"Fuckin' SWEET!" Chuck said and couldn't keep control of his laughter.

Death promptly showed up with a road map. "Hmm. We should've taken a left turn at Albequ- Oh hi guys. Sorry, we must've taken a wrong turn, we're hittin' up some metal concerts." then he disappeared.

"Yet again." I interrupted with narrowed eyes.

"Mother fucker didn't even invite me." Chuck bitched.

So Snake was still standing there, staring at us all, and I was playing with a slinky. EVERYBODY WANTS A SLINKY!!! So Albee stared back. It was on. A staring contest.

....So five days later, they're still staring, and I'm still playing with that goddamn slinky. As I said before, EVERYBODY WANTS A SLINKY! If you don't.. THEN GIVE ME YOUR SLINKIES, BITCHES!!! I'm serious. You'd better be mailing them in RIGHT NAO!

So yeah, Chuck passed out because someone opened a beer can at the bottom of the mountain and Rek and Ami were... Ahem, well I'll just say this. The sounds I heard.. Were of the apocalypse. Souls wailing in eternal torment, the whole goddamn bit. So it was getting close, then I tripped over a chew toy.. Damn doggies. And my slinky goes flying into the air!! MY SLINKY!!!! It hits Snake in the face, causing him to, in fact blink.

"UGH!" Snake growled, as Albee jumped up and did a strange Himalayan victory dance that he learned from me. Don't ask why.

"MY SLINKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" I squealed, as my eyes narrowed to Snake, tackling him.

"GAH!!" he picked me up over his head and threw me into the wall. Then, I grabbed my trusty zola and chunked it at him. He retaliated with a soda can. Attempting to gouge my eye out with the tab. I promptly took a pencil and stabbed him in the forehead, took five dollars, and an old pepsi bottle cap from the 50s. When the fight ended, I was bleeding from the arm, Snake was holding his crotch from the "lokix" and Ami lost her clothes.

"YAY! NEKKID! WHEE!" Ami squealed before diving into the backyard pool, which was filled with strawberry jello.

I shook my head and headed back over to Rek, who had VIDEOTAPED THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!

"I'll be a fucking millionaire now." Rek said with an evil grin.

"Yeah," I growled. "Fuck Mountain COULD use a few repairs after all the fights we've had here lately."

Snake finally stood and stared at me for about 5 minutes. "Y'know girl's got spunk. I think I'll adopt her."

Before I could say anything, all the legal matters had been handled and I was now, indeed, Snake's daughter. I shrugged. "Sweet! I can join Foxhound now and keel some BEETCHES!" then struck a ninja pose.

So, it happened where I had to be gone for 2 weeks in training. I would miss everyone on Fuck Mountain, but I'd come back with T3H 133T SK331ZZ!!

I dragged Albee along, because I didn't trust Chuck while I was gone. *suspicious glare* He didn't mind at all. The box was very comfty!

-Ninja OUTZ

RIN PYO TO SHA KAI CHI RETSU ZAI ZEN! *series of random ninja poses and dissapears*

(yes, I'm that good)

SOLD IT ON EBAY!

2006-06-01T23:49:00.000-07:00

Hey fellow ass jackets, everyones favorite is here. You can quit yer bitchin.

So the day started I was in the middle of cleansing, Ami told me I had to do this or this week would not be fun. However what the poor little asian with large breasts fails to realize is that I am, indeed. The King Of Fuck Mountain. So I snuck out with the help of magic bag of Cheetoes...Dangerously Cheesey.

I head off to the arcade where I see my friend [insert man from Philly's name here] in his crime fighting uniform playing 3rd Strike in the back of an arcade. I surprize him, but he didn't seem interested so I punched the douchebag hogging Player 2 and played him while talking. The man had a bad day, I punch the Tekken 4 machine next to us and it explodes into a rhino that begins ripping the place apart. [insert man from Philly's name here] grabbed his Whale Cannon and shot at the gray bastard while I got him in a chokehold with my testicles. After the rhino was raped, I decided we should venture out and hang out.

Upon entering a combat zone, we encounter Krit and The Judge, fighting against the evil War Princess(even tho...I think its a dude). [insert man from Philly's name here] and I decided to help. But his annoying laughter and amerible sniping skills were weakening...We lost, but then we defeated him via boot. Krit insisted we stick around and do simulations even tho I was ready to fuck, hell I've been ready to fuck...so while no one was looking. I fucked Ami. We entered and the first round the Judge unleashed some unholy justice that not even Johnny Cockren could defend against...next we played a game on Fuck Mountain...me having the homeland advantage won.

Then Krit says that she could kick [insert man from Philly's name here]'s ass...Well, [insert man from Philly's name here] hasn't had a good day...so he takes this as a challenge! He begins naming off his awards and acheivements on his Martial Arts prowless...then Krit unleashes a Low Kick to his shin, he falls to ground screaming profanity. As Krit stands over him laughing, [insert man from Philly's name here]'s gets out his remote and calls forth his vechicle "teh Meat Wag0n" and attempts to hit her with the car via wifi. She evades it and gets out her KKKatana and gets into her stance. [insert man from Philly's name here], now highly pissed transforms his car into a giant fucking robot! HOLY SHIT!. Krit then grows 80ft tall...realizes her sword is a toothpick in her hands now and grabs a street lamp to use as a staff...It is on.

For the first time...I really needed to piss. And I knew something was wrong with this picture. They shouldn't be fighting. No reason behind it...then I decapitated a small child and continued watching. [insert man from Philly's name here] and Krit fought with street lamps over a MASSIVE lava pit...Although with one hit [insert man from Philly's name here] knocked her into it. The Judge used his gavel and sentenced an expansion and Krit was safe. [insert man from Philly's name here] knew that this fight wouldn't work with the Judge around, so he called up the government and the judge was dragged off to handle cases all day. Krit went pure offense, but so did [insert man from Philly's name here]! Then, [insert man from Philly's name here] got a hit in an scared her face, she dropped the street lamp and pulled the giant fucking robots arms off. [insert man from Philly's name here] Ejected with his Fishlauncher in hand and began slamming Krit with trout. Krit fell into a Neil Diamond Concert and killed 4 people with her elbow. She got up and ran toward [insert man from Philly's name here], but he was prepared with chain traps. He launched them and trapped the 80 ft Krit to the ground. Then using the remaining part of the meat wag0n drove it right towards her gut...with a force that would surely cut her in two. But clever Krit, she shrunk back to normal size and dodged out of the way. The meat wag0n was destroyed...Krit couldn't turn 80 ft tall again...they began running in to deliver their finishing physical blows...ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! I jumped in-between them and took both of their finishing blows...to my face and crotch.
[insert man from Philly's name here]: "SHIT!"
Krit: "REK!"
Ami: "OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Death: "THIS COULD BE THE DAY! THE DAY I FINALLY RID THE WORLD OF HIS ASS!? YES!!!"
Jesus: Oh...My...God
God: What!?
Jesus: Look!
God: JESUS CHRIST!
Jesus: "I KNOW!"
Kabal: "HA! THATS WHAT YOU GET YOU EDUCATION KILLING BASTARD!"
Iori: "PAYBACKS A BITCH MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!"
Satan: "This won't end well..."
The Judge: "DAMN APPEALS! THEY CAN LICK MY BALLS!!!"
Homeless guy: "I need to stop drinking..."
60 ft Woman: "Why am I so horny all of a sudden?"

[insert man from Philly's name here] had broke his hand and Krit had broken her left foot. They too forget that I am the king of fuck mountain. I grave um a group hug and along with Ami and The Judge...we went on a group Children killing spree...

THERE WAS NO SKIPPING!
I LIKE PIE!
WHY!?
-King Of Fuck Mountain OuTz
(My Brother and My Sister, fighting solves nothing...HUG BITCHES!)

AROUND THE RIM!

2006-05-28T16:28:00.000-07:00

A Nuclear plant exploded in my pants, and a donkey grew wings. Which soared the little bastard into the goddamn sun. I grabbed Ami and used her tits to unlock my car door. A volcano erruptted 2 seconds away, I farted, the world stopped. A child exploded from the core of my ass.

I then gave an almighty backhand to the Joker, which turned him into the Riddler. I roundhouse kicked him, he transformed into a bald badger which pissed on my shoe and died.

Krit sued the blog, the judge ruled in her favor but gave me a handbasket which turned into a flaming garbage ball, It killed 3 elderly people. [insert man from Philly's name here] used a flamingo to catapult a walrus into Krit's bedroom. The judge and [insert man from Philly's name here]fought in my front lawn, which was pissed on by me. I slapped Iori, and Kabal wet himself. Satan and Jesus no longer play the flute. Death forgot a release form. Ami cried as I got her into a choke hold. A ferret laughed and was killed by an elephant with a large ass.

I WON FREE TACOS!
-Rek OuTz
(PISSED ON A STONE!)

STAINING YOUR PANTS!

2006-05-25T07:24:00.000-07:00

Hi skeet bitches, as you now know (or at least you fucking should by now) I am the King Of Fuck Mountain. One of the perks is I now get to live on the Mansion at the top of the Mountain. Also, no bills to pay (like I paid them in the first place) along with that I forced my friends to move there too. How? well being the King Of Fuck Mountain I lifted the entire apartment complex with my cock and walked it there.

Kabal and Iori, sadly have not been seen since Kabal got thrown into the next universe and Iori was fucked to death and then eaten by that tribe of women (which, I ate them cause they distracted me from getting my midnight snack) they were quite tasty altho, could have used salt. Too bad my blood pressure is through the roof god damn.

So in replace of Iori and Kabal (until they magically return because of Namco's "No one really ever fucking dies" policy) I decided to look up Mai and Sub-Zero.

From that decision, I drank an entire truck of Vault, then ate the truck. I went down to hell and choke slammed a bunch of demons again cause I said so, then I bum rushed an old man crossing the street, I hit him with such a force that he spontaneously conbusted. A gerbil imploded and my laundry was done! I then find Mai working at a hooters. I grab her by her tits and attempt to pull her over and then against the wall but they were like stretching, like taffy or some shit. "OH NO!" she screamed as I smacked Ami for no reason, "MAI! YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN MY JOKE BLOG!" she said no, but I said "OK SEE YA THERE!" Then, I grabbed the knocked out Ami off the floor and kicked through the wall leading into a giant freezer, HOLY SHIT! Its Sub-Zero's HOUSE! I Yell out "SUP MOTHER FUCKER!" and the words freeze in the air and fall to the ground and shatter as they then freeze in mid-air. Sub-Zero looks at me, "OH GOD NO! NOT YOU! I'D RATHER GO TO HELL THAT SEE YOU!" see...60 something years ago, before either of us exisisted he got pissed and tried to freeze my cock because I was boning his girlfriend at the time, unfortunately it only caused me to retain a massive hard-on FOREVER! Needless to say, he has hated me ever since. But, I told him "YOU ARE GONNA BE IN MY BLOG!", "FUCK YOU!" he yelled back, I smacked him so hard he shattered into a million pieces. I grabbed the naked Ami, now trapped in a block of ice and used her as a surf board and busted through the wall. Killing 5 children. 500 POINTS! 400 BONUS POINTS, BITCHES!!!!

Then I return home to my fuck mountain. When something is up...Krit is sitting on my throne, the Judge is standing beside her and [insert man from Philly's name here]was drunk...and Jesus called me a Jew. I stomped over to [insert man from Philly's name here], "WHATS THE FUCKING MATTER!?". He looked at me, "Yo, go to hell. I had a bad day." So I went BACK to hell and choke slammed EVEN MORE DEMONS CAUSE I, YES! I FUCKING SAID SO! Then I came back and [insert man from Philly's name here]did not believe I had, so I took him to hell with me and PROVED TO HIM! that WHAT I SAY IS TRUTH!!!

Next order of Tacos, Krit sitting in MY CHAIR. I scoot my ass on the floor then dive bomb the door with a trout. Ami cries. I then ask Krit, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY CHAIR!", she looked at me and grinned. "Well Rek, I am the QUEEN OF FUCK MOUNTAIN!" this was followed by evil laughter and she grew 80 ft tall while laughing...breaking my chair. I climbed on top of her right breast, yanked on her hair to get her attention, she leened her ear to me, I stood and yelled in her ear "THAT CHAIR COST 600,000 DOLLARS!" She looked at me, took off her ear phones from her iPod. "What?" I jumped off. Ami followed me as I walked out the door. Krit turned back to normal, the Judge shot me in the leg with a sniper rifle cause Krit wanted me to stop. Krit walks over. "What did you say? Don't you fucking ignore me when I ask you a question...You Hwar." I then said "I told you the Chair costed 600,000 dollars. Then she, helped me up. "Silly Rekano, you didn't pay for that. Like everything else you stole it"

Then [insert man from Philly's name here], the Judge, Jesus, Satan, Death, Me, Ami, Krit, The pope, Solid Snake, Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, Marlon Brando, Louie Armstrong, Hatebreed, 7 booth babes. Iori, Kabal, Mai, and Sub-Zero all stood in my house laughing, as I randomly punched a kid out the window and announced "WHAT THE FUCK ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE DOING ON MY FUCK MOUNTAIN!?"

Its like Pizza...
-Rek OuTz
(ALL KINDS OF TITS N TRICKS!)

OMFG HIII!!!!!!!

2006-05-24T18:05:00.000-07:00

YAY! IM A STAFF MEMEBER NOW!!!!

Chuck: Last Ride of the King of Fuck Mountain

2006-05-24T17:51:00.000-07:00

Today i marched into Cali and killed everyone there because I hate Cali and the people there are gay go Eagles.

-suck on that, Cali-

Update...

2006-05-24T09:44:00.000-07:00

[insert man from Philly's name here] and I killed the little kid and I was now the OFFICAL KING OF FUCK MOUNTAIN!

I WIN!
-Rek OuTz(AGAIN!)
(I AM THE KING OF FUCK MOUNTAIN!)

TIMES THE MOON!!!

2006-05-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yo, so yesterday I decided to grab Ami and join up with Krit and The Dark Judge for a hike on a badass looking Mountain. After going to the store and buying some Vault and Beef Jerky, I dropkicked a midget. Krit got annoyed with me and slapped Ami cause I moved. The Judge laughed. Ami Cried. Death got laid. and Iori got a NEW CAR...which I destroyed by farting in its general direction. Kabal joined up with up, even tho I don't remember ever inviting him. "Hey Rekano, you said you wanted me to go hiking with you guys?" I looked at him, "NO I DID NOT! YOUR A FUCKING LOSER! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING BOILER ROOM OF AN APARTMENT COMPLEX! LETS GO HIKING DOUCHEBAG!" And so we started our way up the Mountain... I noticed something as we walked...Kabal was staring at Krit's boobs, the judge looked as if he was about to lay the Hammer down, and Krit was leading the way and reading signs. Finally without a notice, a rock fell on an old man. Krit turned to Kabal, "WHAT DO YOU WANT!? YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING STARING AT MY JUGGERNAUTS SINCE WE STARTED UP THIS MOUNTAIN!" The Judge was about to step in but Krit told him she could handle it and put up an away message, preventing us from continuing up the mountain.

Ami got to whining to me about how she was hungry, I took a watermelon and shoved it in her mouth. Then I started eating my beef jerky as I watched with much happiness as Kabal was setting up to get pWn3D.
Krit: Well! I'm waiting! Explain yourself you little pussy.
Kabal: Hey! I could be rich.
Krit: I've had it with you!

Krit then threw Kabal off the mountain and fell with him. Suddenly, Krit was 80ft tall again...appearently, she has figured out how to use it whenever she feels like it. She held Kabal in her hands, Crushing him, then with her war crying words "YOU HWAR!!!!!!" She threw him into the next universe. The Judge, Ami and I stood up and gave Krit a round of applause with a side cheering, and just a hint of hooting. She returned to normal, took a bow, and removed the away message, meaning douchebag, we continued, after I pissed on a grizzly bear, causing it to explode.

Then we came across a Cricket, I went to step on it...it dodged. WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! HOLD THE FUCK UP! No no no, this could not stand. The Judge, Ami and I all tried to kill this Cricket. Ami took off her clothes. No effect. (on the cricket anyway)The Judge tried to gavel and sentence it, but he could not keep up. I pulled some wicked ass hand movements and tried to flex it, kick it, piss on it, drown it, use Marlon Brando on it, destroy more Small children, breakdance, slice it with a sword, I even tried using Iori's car...NOTHING! Then as if on time, Kirt stepped on it. "THERE! NOW C'MON GUYS! Geez, we waste so much time for crap like this." Then I realized she had us climbing this mountain to show us something awesome (Or so I hoped because if not, so help me god.)

Less than 7 mins after that we were stopped by this tribe warrior women, leave it to me to make a wisecrack about how they dress. But I knew I didn't have time for this, so I snapped my fingers and Iori was there, I gave him to them. He yelled as they carried him away. "YOU CARWRECKING HOMO! I'LL KILL YOU! I SWEAR ON IT! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOUUUUU!!!"

When we reached the top, [insert man from Philly's name here] was already at the top, he used some gyrocopter to get there. I knew what I had to do...

I got out lawn chairs for Ami, Krit, and the Judge and refreshments...then I turned my attention to [insert man from Philly's name here]. "You mother fucka!" I said as I pointed at the small child behind him, "I'm gonna prove I am the King Of Fuck Mountain, by whooping your ass!"

THEN WE FOUGHT!
-Rek OuTz
(SOMETHING IS BURNING!)

JUMP DOWN, TURN AROUND, AND FUCK!

2006-05-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

I really have to say, Im surprized. surprized at all the mail I get, um I get...THAT WE GET HERE AT THE JOKE BLOG! Ami and I are taking time tonight to answer some burning questions on the minds of our readers and date rapists.

This question comes from Dragonsex04222
Bastard asks, "Dear RJB, Do all the characters in the blog do their own stunts."
What the fuck!? Of course I do! Ami does her own too. Hey listen you fuck. This is a blog, what I typed. REALLY FUCKING HAPPENED! Just cause it wasn't on your gay TV station, no my problem. You fuck.

NEXT! This one Ami will answer.

Ami: Ok YAY!^_^!!!
This HAWT question comes from Megacock...:(...Megacock4u...
"Dear Ami, Hey baby! How about you and I hook up."
Move over Ami, listen you skeet bitch. Ami is MINE I found her, fed her, and fucked her more times than George Bush has been acused of the apcalopyse! Damn, Im making a person not to come and kill you later...NEXT!

This one comes from some douche in Cali...
"Dear Rekano, You are the man."
Yeah yeah, old news bitch. NEXT!

This is from ballsBAller87
"Dear Rekano, recently you have been talking more about Ami, [insert man from Philly's name here], Krit, and some spooky ass judge. The original cast and even yourself. WTF!? You are the random master! WHY!?"
Yo. Dweedle fuck, I type about them in the blog because they are around when random shit happens. And Im not random 24/7 so having others around with just as much randomtivity ensure that it will be random and give you a laugh. You don't find it funny, go die. NEXT VICTIM!

From youarealone, types in..
"Dear Rekano, I have recently learned I am emo. what should I do?"
I'll pay you a visit tomorrow, i'll give you a hint. Your time on this world is short. NEXT!

from GiantessFreaker
"Dear Rekano, Next time there are 80 foot tall women, will you be more descriptive?"
No, Ok. Women that large are extremely fucking dominate, no god damn way am I going to bother going into a "descriptive manner" for your sick fetish. IM REKANO MOTHER FUCKER! YOU ARE NOT! YOU DON'T HAVE THE TESTICLES TO HANG WITH 80FT WOMEN LIKE ME> YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR! NEXT!

From Childprotection services
"Dear RJB, Your blog tells about death of small children...blah blah"
Listen, no one likes little brats or kids. so I do my community service by destroyinh them in the most hilarious manners unphysically possible.

Enough questions for now,|
Rek OuTz
(GiantessFreaker, you are gonna fucking die)

PISS ON YOUR SIDEWALK!

2006-05-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

Yo, yeah so i decided to scap telling you the rest of the story from the last post cause I am a REAL MAN! Ami wanted to go out for dinner, oh I couldn't invite anyone with us. it was just us, UNDER-FUCKING-STAND!? Anyways, she picked the place but we didn't go there. instead i dragged her to joe's. Cause they have the most beastly pizza's on this side of the sun. As she ate her slice, she looked so down and sad...So I drank another beer, she slowly started looking happier after the 700th mug though. Drunk, i took her to see a movie at a junkyard, the movie was called "Rekano vs gangs LIVE!" She watched me boringly from a broken computer chair as I ripped those fucking punks into, one by one.

While carrying my car and Ami, she cried in my arms...I told her to shut the fuck up, im drunk as fuck. but then i realized...out of alot of people she has put up with more of my shit than anybody. Killed a random bystander and held her close...she punched me in the nuts, i coughed up a radio. "I love you Rekano, you big mother fucker..." I slapped her so gently she only flew 2 blocks. "I love you tits, Ami...Goddamn, I love you tits."

SO THEN WE FUCKED AND CAUSED MANY PEOPLE TO GO BLIND, WHICH THEN. CHUCK NORRIS CRIED IN DISGUST. CANCER WAS CURED! I ATE MORE PIZZA!

-REK OUTZ
(I FUCKED HER!)

WHAT THE FUCK IS A CANNONMASTER!?

2006-05-18T17:29:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a day. Ok I should tell how it all went down because going up just sucks ass. Ami was upset because she got defeated by her Kunoichi instructor and was outcasted by their all female clan...No one does this to daddy's favorite! TIME TO ROLLOUT ON SOME BITCHES AND OWN THEM WITH TEH COCKS OF JUSTICE!

I needed to assemble the entire crew for this one, I carried Ami like a backpack and kicked open a random window, a mouse instantly lit into a blaze of fire. I crashed through the wall, Iori was reading a newspaper, he looked at me. "What...Fuck off man." I grabbed him, and stompped which cause me to fall through the floor to the boiler room where Kabal was eating a sandwich and playing cards with Death. I told um my plan to fuck up some bitches, they joined in. Satan and Jesus overheared and Jumped in the mecha-godzilla-mobile that I took from the Ghostbusters back in the 90's. We drove up to Philly where [insert man from philly's name here] he was fighting some of his enemies but I made quick work of them by sneezing on them and cause an explosion for no damn reason! He agreed to help on the condition I never sneeze in Philly again, I agreed while sipping on a chocolate shake. Then I had to assemble the final ones to beat some bitches. I drove down to a random street and Krit was beating up some old man, acusing him of being a pervert, while the Burrowing Judge prepared to slam down one hell of a life sentence that would not be pretty... I busted into the courtroom with a chili dog and ate it as I told them I needed their help. Krit looked puzzled, "Rek. What did you just say!?" Fortunately I did not have to retell the story because the judge understood it and told me to lead the way.

So I fucking did, some how along with my original crew, I managed to pull a crowd that just came from an Hatebreed concert and a random street gang. We marched to the head quarters...the slow motion shit kicked up, but it was shot by Default...

To be continued...
(MOTHER FUCKER!)

OUT OF ORDER!!!

2006-05-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

Sup asshats! Wonderful fucking day, actually not really. I wandered to the world that is known only as Cincy, Ohio. Ami didn't wanna go, but I shoved her in my pants and we went anyway! I stormed into game junkie, after pulling Ami out of my pants and snapping my fingers which made all the little kids in the store explode, I kicked down a wall. Ami goes up and asks them if they have something that I wanted and they didn't. I grabbed Ami by her belt and reeled her back, then I stepped on a waffle, I shot the waffle with a gun. CAUSE I CAN!

After this upmost bullshittery, I went on a rampage which suddenly invovled a world tour. After arriving in hell, satan cried. "Oh Shit!" He said. Ami and I went to work on fucking up his house, for being a whiney bitch. Death suddenly joined me and Ami for a walk to somewhere when I could think of it. I flexed and we had ice cream, which I ruined by destroying a United Dairy Farmers gas station, the slow motion shit kicked up as it exploded. Death got booked with DUI!

Meanwhile, I beat Iori in an arm wrestling contest for his car which I drove off a cliff into shark infested waters. As the car sunk, I killed every shark with my bare hands. A Whale was injured for being a fat ass!

[insert man from Philly's name here] asked me to help him battle a giant fucking robot, by building a robot bigger than their giant fucking robot. And Krit hit me with a Apple Pie for no reason. An old man had a stroke. And Ami learned to cook properly!

GIANT FUCKING ROBOT BATTLE!!!
-Rek Outz
(Smells like fish...)

NEW UNDERWEAR!

2006-05-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I woke up and punched a hole in my wall on my way to the kitchen, which as soon as I walked into it, suddenly just caught fire and burnt to the ground in only a few seconds. I, not fully awake. Went and literally dragged Ami out of the bed, making sure her head hit every wall. I picked her up from up under her arms, facing the now crispy kitchen, she woke up "uhhh Huh? I dunno what happened" then she yawned...I could tell this was going nowhere, so I tossed her on the couch like a football.

Then Death busted down the door and ploped down on the couch, right on Ami as if she wasn't there. "Dude, You realized there is an 80 foot female outside the Apartment, she looks kind of pissed of, told me to tell you to 'fix it' or some shit." This was true, honestly none of us knew how to get Krit back to normal size and after she beat the fuck out of us we kinda didn't have any energy left. But it was offical, more children have to die.

I picked up Ami and carried her out the door as Death followed, I lock the door. it falls for no damn reason. I asked Iori and Kabal if they wanted to come too, Iori gave me the finger and Kabal was on house arrest from where we blamed a federal crime on him. As I walk out of the complex, Krit over towers us. "Finally, god damn! Ok Rek. You know the problem. FIX IT! NOW!" While carrying Ami and Death following, I grabbed a random power up and ran like Sonic the mother fucking hedgehog...Actually we passed him up several times...when the power up ran out. we found ourselves right back at Krit's feet...WE WENT IN A GODDAMN CIRCLE! Ami, being a smartass said sleepily, "You should have asked for directions..." FUCK THAT! I tossed Ami to the crub. I was gonna fix the problem, but not before kicking a field goal with a 3 year olds face. WIN!

I snapped my fingers and Krit lowered down, then held me in the palm of her hand and held me at face level, "WHAT!?" she yelled...Which blew off my hat...I snapped my fingers again and she opened her mouth, I jumped inside and down her throat.

Death: Yeah so Krit was in shock and shit at Rekano just did. Ami woke up and she said she would stay, somehow I doubted that. I left the scene.

Ami: OMG HI! ^_^! Yeah my Rekky went into the beast to get her back to normal size, suddenly Krit coughed up a piece of paper, it was a letter from Rek telling me to get some things from the store while he tries to get her back to normal and also told Krit not to move or use the bathroom O_o...aNyWaY! I wEnT to teh STORE and WOW! the list was new...its read as follows:
Every fucking can of Vault they have
Cookies
Orange Juice
Steaks
Hamburgers
79 blocks of cheese
a new Kitchen
a flamingo
and some stuff for yourself
I raced through the store, Oh noes! they only have one 24 pack of vault...Rek won't be happy with this, so I battled a stockboy to the death over a volcano, I won! YAY! Some pervert was following me around too, suddenly a giant fist crashed through killing him, it was Krit! Thanks Buddy! ^_^! Cookies...bah the rest of the list was easy..catching the flamingo was a bit difficult. Im so out of practice with my nina abilities. Rekky has made me lazy -_-... now it was my turn to get something for MEEEEE! YESSS! I decided to buy myself Ice Cream sandwiches. I took the stuff home, installed the new kitchen, let the flamingo out, and ate an Ice Cream sandwich...then I went back to Krit and my poor Rekky *sad faces*

Jesus: Yo, WHOA! wtf am I doing here!? Im not not even in this shit. [insert man from Philly's name here] and I hittin up some metal concerts. later guyz have fun.

Ok, so I moved some things inside Krit's stomache...then I knew what was coming, she was going to puke out the effects of the ray...I couldn't escape this. I was puked out with the rest of the mess. Krit looked at me, she was her normal size. "Thank *cough cough* You Rek..." I Stood up and helped her up, then a helicopter randomly flew in, 2 troops with blankets took Krit on board it. then out of the fucking blue a man, who looked like a general walked up to me, it was the JUDGE! He looked at me. "Fine job you did today, I'd reward you, but you also cause quite a mess...CLEAN IT UP BITCH! Another troop handed me a bucket and a mop, they took off in the Helicopter...I killed a random child then proceeded to piss on a building...

I come home, only to find the flamingo hasn't been let out, so I kill it, and eat it. Then as I walked to the bathroom, the slow motion shit started up and the kitchen exploded...Im never letting Ami mess with hardware again...

COWS SUCK!
-Rekano OutZ
(IM SERIOUS!)

76 half one

2006-05-11T15:41:00.000-07:00

Yo, bitches. sup guys...actually I don't care! Anyway, Iori, Ami, and myself were hanging out in front of a Monji machine at the gas station. We didn't know why a poodle exploded but my ass needed scratching, so i srcatched it. Anyway, Krit join up with us, alone...hmmm.

She looked at us and said in a sophisticated british accent, "You all are quite, lame." I shook Iori's hand and then spoke up "Why you think that!?" suddenly a 80ft woman attacked us. Krit, Iori, and Ami ran. but i stayed to fight. I flexed, it did nothing. I jogged a lap. nothing. I killed a small child, DAMN, STILL NO EFFECT! suddenly, i got kicked in the balls and got an idea. Make Krit 80ft tall and fight this bitch. Krit didn't want to, but we poisoned her cranberry juice and she fell asleep. After playing fools at a slayer concert, we found some old doctor guy. He shot Krit with an beam...and instantly she was 80ft tall. Iori and Ami stood shocked, but I stood and smiled for reasons I don't wish to type!

Anyway, Krit woke up...but refused to do it! So we battled her. She killed over 49 perverts in the area when they tried to look up her skirt. Then, Iori touched one of her boobs...in a rage she roared "YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE UM!? YOU LITTLE FUCKERS! I'LL TEACH YOU THREE!" she swiped us up, tucked in her shirt, placed us inside...now any other time, you'd think this would rox...but she bagan jumping, dancing, and doing whatever to make her breast move. after about 45 mins. she let us out and Ami lost her clothes and was bruised, Iori was bleeding, and I was beaten down. Funny thing is that during the process of her dancing she killed the other bitch and destroyed the entire city. She looked down at me, "YOU HWAR! SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!"..I only grined as her giant foot came down, stomping on me.

THEN I ATE A GOOD CANDY BAR! I HATE KIDS!
-REK OUTZ!
(I HATE KIDS!)

TOASTED, NOT ROASTED! BITCH!

2006-05-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

Sup fucks. Yeah as you can clearly see I am not dead. Allow me to explain why...

See 17 hours ago I had signed a deal with Namco and my joke blog being jointed. Well, with this Namco, if you have ever played any of their games. You'll know characters that die, usually don't fucking stay dead, you know to push a plotline or due to that character having a cock tower of a fan base.

So yeah, here's the story on that...

As I fell into the nuclear goo, I suddenly landed on an invisible platform was badly injured. then some Yoshimitsu saved me and this doctor fixed me up and I left..
yeah. just like that. NOW SHIT FLIES! JUST LISTEN BITCHES!

I kick down the door to my own funeral...everybody looks back at me. No familar faces. FUCKERS! I go on a rampage on everyone and everything there...Old people, women, men, small children, priests, the best man, the bride, a monk, an old shoe, gum stuck under a table, and a full row of chior boys...it wasn't til I started the fire I realied I had destroyed a wedding. Whatever, I leapt and then kicked down my apartment door. There was Ami.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I roared as I pointed at the stove, she looked, I knocked her ass out cold with random massive pillow. I put her naked ass in a bathtub full of ice glaicers because my bathtub in in Anartica. She awoke and screamed, and screamed, and suddenly she turned blue. I pulled her out and stuffed her in a backpack. We jogged around the city. Appearently, the rest of the world thought I was dead. I pass up Krit and a man in a cloak wearing a sombreo. I stop. The man with the sombreo begins to complain to krit, "See! Namco can't kill off any characters. I bet he is still broke as fuck, while in the while they nerf me. Namco can lick my balls." Krit turned her attention to me, "Wow. you're back." She adjusted her glove, a car exploded. "So, now what are you going to do?" A massive grin crossed my face as a dog pissed on a fire hydrant. "WHAT! ...Gah! Albeeee...tell it to noooo." The man in the Sombreo walked up to me, adjusted his hat and looked me in the eye. "No." he said. It was said so coldly that a child being born across, crawled back up its mother's vagina and shot itself with a 357 magnum. The four of us decided for no god damn reason to destroy cars with Rocket launchers. We were later joined by Tekken characters, [insert man from Philly's name here], Jesus, Satan, Iori(who got a new car, which I destroyed with my cock just as he pulled the car up, Kabal(who we all made fun of the whole time), Mr. Clean, and Johnny Quest (who we killed)

With all the alcohol consumed I don't remember much else except for a bunch of 60ft Large breasted strippers who made me happy. And Kabal can limbo after Krit daring him he couldn't. many died that night, many innocent people, who I don't give 2 fucks about.

THEN I ATE A CHICKEN!
-RWARZ!

I FIGHT 60ft tall women...

2006-05-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

OMG HI!!! Yeah, this is Ami updating the blog. Oh, you wanna know why!? HUH!? HUH!? DO YOU!? ^_^!

Weeeelllll...See, my Rekky woke up in his usual "kick the door down and fuck Ami" routines. But, OMG! I told him I wasn't in the mood. Only in tease, but he took it...like. Serious. and then busted down the wall and jumped outside and went on a rampage world tour. Uh, So to speak.

I knew I alone couldn't calm him down, I needed help. Cause I am only one woman, a kunoichi, ...I also highly believe I am very sexy...anyways. I went around the town looking for him when, omg. I saw some guy in a suit...he looked just like the judge in the courtroom...I then KNEW it was the judge because that other female ninja was with him...Ohhh damn, I am jealous of her in a sense. She has bigger boobs than me =/.

But I got their attention and the man in the suit told me to "Lick his balls". I had no response to this. After moments of blank stares..Krit stepped forward, "Yeeeaahh...Could you please, move?" For some reason this pissed me off...the way she said it in her valley girl voice, but then the man in the suit disappeared and Krit sucker punched me and stood smiling. I was woozy but still had fight in me, I jumped up and down, attracting a crowd and then proceeded to use a newborn puppy...but then the man in the suit appeared behind me and VDDP'd me into a bunch of random boxes. They laughed at me and walked away. After I cleaned the blood off of my naked body, I began walking the streets...it started to rain. w00t. -_-...

Suddenly, there he was. Rekky! I ran to him...but instead of the usual hug, he pimp-slapped me. It was on. I began punching him, unfortunately for me I was so raged I forgot that since he is so big that he can't...really be hurt in the gut. Then, he grabbed me and a random 3 year old and threw us into a nuclear plant...just at that moment and old man broke his hip.

Rekano stood over me as I hung on to railing hoping that he would help me...but no. he rose his foot and was bring it down...suddenly, a man can swinging on a rope of sausage and kicked Rek into to the nuclear mess below and helped me up. It was [insert man from Philly's Name here] I was glad, [insert man from Philly's Name here]was here to save me. but Why did Rekano have to like die. *sad faces*

Why am I happy? OH THATS EASY! I saved Rekano's shades! Ive always liked these damn things. Oh yeah.

I love you Rekano...you fuck.
-PASTA!!!

FORGETTING NACHOS!?!? YOU FAGGOT!

2006-05-02T15:43:00.000-07:00

And So, Default, Ami and I drove to the hardware store. we were being chased by police the entire time. "FUCK! WE GOTTA LOSE UM!" Default whined as we grabbed a shopping cart which Ami and Default got inside the cart, I pushed this motherfucker. The police also grabbed a shopping cart, it had an gay little light and siren with 3 to a cart (2 riding...1 pushing it) this squad of 6 took after us through-out the hardware store. I made reving noises while Default and Ami made laser and shotgun blast noises to signify they were shooting. OH FUCK! A fork in the isle! I took at the split full force, ramming the cart through the store the police tried to chase us through, but it fell on 3 squads...FUCK!

Running as if my ass was on fire, cause it was. My shoes melted...this could not fucking stand, I tossed the cart in one direction while I spotted a little kid just standing in the next isle. I went all powered up, screaming at him as if I was in an anime. The with all my power, I leapt into the air...as I came down on this kid...that slo-motion shit kicked in..WORST POSSIBLE FUCKING TIME!...Wait. I was stuck in mid-air. The little kid stuck his tounge out and left me in the air. Turns out. Landlside had pulled a lever that controls that shit. I was captured. WHAT THE FUCK!?

Ami and Default were also captured. "Under arrest motha fucka, see. Miyeah see. MIYEAH!" Landslide had finally brought Me, Default, Ami, Jesus, Satan, and Stan to justice. Stan was shot and killed on the scene. Because Jesus was fucking metal, he was off the hook. Default was let go for being a crazy redneck, Ami was let go cause she flashed the cops and then made them, um *cough* "headless" so to speak. Satan just left cause he could. So it seemed I was going in alone. I killed that child on my way out the door of the hardware store! (ANY WISE CRACK ABOUT THAT RYMING! I'LL KILL YOU!)

So I was back in the courtroom. The judge and Krit sat behind the tall fucking table, Krit was eating a sandwich and slamming the gavel at random points throughout the hearing. The judge looked me square in the eyes "Rek, Im not gonna lie to ya man...You can, Lick my-" before he could finish Krit broke in slamming the gavel "GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY GEEEAAAARRR-AH!"...the room went silent, "Ahem, as I was saying.. Rek, you can-" again interrupted "I WANT A COOKIE! AND A PRETZEL! AND THE MAAAAALLLLL-AH!" The judge laughed then said very fast "lickmyballs!" Landslide then said "What was that? I don't speak jew." The Krit slammed the gavel, the judge spoke " You know what, Im putting you both in jail...if I could. Im just doing this for community service and shit. So jew, the fat guy is off the hook and you both get the fuck out!" Landslide stood flabbergasted when a mighty snore let out, I woke up. "WHAT!?" I roared. Krit slammed the gavel "Take him awaaaay-ah!" the 2 officers couldn't even lift me out of the chair...then I snapped. Ami tells this part better.

Ami: -so yeah I like mastur-Oh hi! Yeah I was sitting in the back killing small kids with my tits and my katana. Horny teenagers are the easist to kill you know? Anyway, Rek went on a temper tantdrum by using most of the court as a punching bag and killed several people. The judge grabbed Krit and burrowed away again. Landslide actually went to helping Rek tear the mother fucking courthouse down. Blaming the justice system. It ended when nothing stood except Rekano, Landslide, and Myself.

Thanks Ami, so Landslide and I agreed that I just wouldn't use the name anymore, we shook on it and a car exploded. cause I said so. Then, Landslide drove off into the sunrise, it was a night court. the city was completed destroyed from the "Royal Flush" I took. but hey. I pissed on my neighbors lawn.

ENDEDEDEDED!
-OUTZ!

STOLE MY SILVER!

2006-05-01T16:53:00.000-07:00

After the last update, ChuckTheLandslide is suing me over name and likeness rights. What a cock. Anyways, the court room was a full house while I was in the back taking a royal flush.

The judge went through the list of things I have done wrong. Maybe it was me but, I knew this sucked. So I decided to tell my story. They try to make me touch a bible. But Jesus stops them from doing that in the nick of time. I tell ya, it was a real carnaval in the court room. Balloons, Rides, Popcorn, Little kids, topless women...Ami then punched me in the nuts and I coughed up a newborn puppy.

Anyways Landslide when on a tyrant spree of hot butter and penis jokes, I was shocked! he failed to make a truly vulgar statement. So They called Iori to the stand. "Yeah, mother fucker destroyed SIX! SIX OF MY GODDAMN CARS!". The Kabal went up crying like a pussy "He destroyed my future...I could have went to harvard." and then my 2nd and 3rd Female ninjas were even against me "Yah! he like, raped us. Countless times. We are not even really ninjas, he is just like...a bastard." Ami and I looked at each other...fucked, then we went up to the bench together. From out in crowd I heard it..."I WANNA COOOKIIEEE-AH!". I look around, tossing this old man's viagra out the window and drinking all the punch. I find Krit hacking people away with her katanas. "WHAT THE FUCK!?" Landslide and I said in unison. "You can't sue hiiimmmmah...Elvis also trained Rekano." This was true to an extent. Elvis said that I was too fat to be taught anything else though. The suddenly, there he was. Default. He broke down the courthouse door, and fired alot of fucking shotgun bullets. The judge grabbed Krit and burrowed, Chuck deflected the shots with fucking badass drum solos as he got to his car teh meatwagon, Ami and I were using Lil' Kids as human shields and all the while Ami was masturbating with her sheath. "I was bored." she told me. Iori and Kabal grabbed each other and cried as they sunk to the floor, Jesus and Satan took the Satanmobile and drove off, post haste.

"THANKS DEFAULT! WE NEED YOU, SON!" and in a broken southern english "No problem fatman, get in the truck." And we did. and he drove off with Ami and Myself...this story IS FAR FROM OVER BITCHES!...btw, when hit an old man crossing the street.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!??!??!

I DEMAND A REFUND!

2006-04-25T16:18:00.000-07:00

Yo mother fuckers, its Me again...who the fuck else? So anyway after watching Ami fight a 50ft naked chick on another fucking planet, I grew bored and called Ami back as I destoryed all life on it by pissing on it.

Back on earth, I took a shit and Ami and I walked around town. Then I saw another Female Ninja friend of mine on a park bench...seeming sad, or upset...SOME FUCKING EMOTION! Anyway, Ami and I RUSHED to her (as well as kill a bunch of random people, including an old man walking by)Suddenly Jesus and Death appeared too. "WHAT THE FUCK!?" I asked her, She looked up at us...Then Death...then Me...then Ami...then I took a shower...came back...and listened to the rest of the conversation "-yeah, so I've had a bad day." I looked around and kicked a small child to Mars and responded, "Come hang with us! We will rock this town! You'll have fun!...YOU WILL!" She glared at me "...I WANNA COOOOOKIEEEEE!!!" She said this in a Valley girl voice, Landslide shot himself. Ami then got a strike of jealously and said "Rekky...I WANNA COOOKIEEE!!!" in the same voice...then suddenly the 2 female ninjas started to fight.

Jesus, Death and I watched with much interest, it was awesome watching them bounce, URHM I mean FIGHT! But then I noticed that it was pointless cause 2 female ninjas fighting in a city is too easy to kill people...so I dragged them to a mall to continue their fight...then they both came crawling up to us. "Krit...Ami...you two ok?" Somehow, Krit had managed to totally destroy Ami's clothes and Ami had managed to bruise Krit...and Death had somehow managed to do his taxes on time. I helped them both up...until I saw a little kid crying...I raced over and drop kicked him, he hit the wall and turned into women clothing, which I gave to Krit and Ami. But not before I gave Satan a swift backhand just for being there.

It was getting late, but I was wired from all the sex of yesterday with Ami so I was still roaring to go. Krit then told me "Shhhhh..." And somehow I magically shut up. Wow, first time anyone has ever had a control on me(except Ami). So then they decided to make it a contest...I was 2 get Ami and Krit anything they wanted...I knew that with twice the women, I'd need help...Without asking I made Iori, Landslide's Corpse, Kabal, Jesus, Death, and Satan. "READY SET GO BITCHES!" Krit yelled, I and my possy stormed through the mall and grabbed everything. When I got back Ami was still there. "Why! WHERE THE FUCK IS KRIT!?" I roared...I looked down and I saw a Large hole in the ground. Gopher was here. I got upset and we destroyed the mall...and as it exploded...that slow motion shit kicked in...I got pissed and killed Slow motion with my cock.

-OUT
(CAUSE I CAN WRITE WHAT THE FUCK I WANT!)

WOULD YOU LIKE THAT TO GO!?

2006-04-23T15:34:00.000-07:00

Douchebags! Its been a while. Ok so today trying to jog on the sun at 5am with Ami, I realized; unlike myself. Ami could not jog on the sun. So we went to a park instead. There were kids when we first got there. This Pissed me off so bad, I had to take a piss, which I did on Iori's car. Then I flexed like Hogan and all the kids disappeared out of thin air. Which almost instantly Amy was complaining it was too hot so I let out a fart and it began to snow.

So we started jogging around a track when after 12 seconds I realized I had not eaten. I ask Ami, "AMI! WHAT FUCK WE EATEN!?" and she told me Waffle House...Poor, poor uninformed attractive little asain with big tits...you have made a mistake that would cost entire villages their lives by using only my snott. But, since she was an attractive little asian with big tits. I only slapped her. But she is a ninja so it turned into an epic brawl. In the middle of the battle we destroyed Iori's SUV, an elementray school full of kids, a pizza palor, my manager, her entire clan, a kitten, some douchebag, and abunch of cities. She had lost all of her clothes during the fight and her tits like doubled in size...I am a sucker for tits. So I held her down and fucked her...it was now evening and we agreed to eat at an iHOP.

Still naked, she ordered stack of 3 pancakes...I had everything on the menu twice over. Then this piece of shit behind the desk tells me my credit card is expired. BULL FUCKING SHIT! I took his face and swiped it thru the credit card machine, 4 times. He rang up and Amy and I walked home. She complained that she was cold being naked, so I slammed my face into a small child and it turned into women clothing.

But the true horror is when I got home, it hit me. I got stomache craps from HELL! I dashed to the bathroom, locked the door, and approached the toilet...it tried to run away but I slammed my ass on the seat with such a force is was part of the floor now. So I sat there, screaming in agony. Ami tells how it was outside that bathroom door...

Ami: After he shut the door and began screaming, I became worried about him, then the earth started shaking the TV came on BY ITSELF. Telling that natural disasters were happening everywhere. Old people weren't dying, hell froze over, small children were exploding or turning into house hold objects, baby seals were not safe, bears began talking, doorbells rang, golf games were rained out, a massive flood happened in my homeland :'( , Daigo missed a parry, Mr. Norris's roundhouse kick WHIFFED, the boxes were NOT there for the Van Damme Double Punch, a Hatebreed concert happened, and mass suicides began happening. Not to mention the skies were dark and stormy...suddenly it stopped...and Rekano came out.

Back! When I came out of the bathroom, Ami ran to my arms and was crying like she had been in a nightmare. A knock at the door, I race to kick it down. Its the cable company...telling me that the entire apartment owes money...Death, Jesus, Satan, Iori, Kabal, Ami, my other 2 female ninjas, and Chuck The Landslide did not agree...needless to say...The cable company 0, the apartment complex 10.

-OUT!
(HAHAHAHAHA!)

I FUCKING SAW YOU!

2006-04-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

Hey fuckers! Im back! since I was gone, out killing multiple things with almighty dropkicks. My birthday happened over the course my absence on this thing. I fucked Amy 47 times and won a wind up toy for no god damn reason!

So that stuppy crimefighter tried to stop my reign of terror, which I was actually just me buying a case of beer! THe douche behind the counter told us no and Iori and Kabal took his ass outside and fucked his shit up in ways I could have done with my fingertips. I had to carry Amy in a backpack cause she was so tired from all the fucking. Death was there trying to skateboard, he fell I took it from him and showed him how its done! I was skateboarding with my cock and doing these tricks that broke many laws that I then dropped kicked.

Yeah everyone was there for my birthday party...uh Van Damme, Mai, Chuck Norris, a whole arsenal of strippers, Hulk Hogan, Iori, Kabal, Half of New York, some chick I didn't know, Batman, Blue Meanie, Governator, Presidents, Castro, a clown (who died 4 secs as he walked in the door), Landslide, Krit, Gopher, Metal X, Shrimpy, Scarlet, the other 2 ninjas, the entire state of Montana, a random county in Kentucky, Death, Satan, Jesus, and of course Amy (who was sleeping from all the fucking) it was too powerful of a party that it shut down the internet in the dimension I was living it. so with Chuck Norris, Hulk Hogan, Jesus, Satan, Death, and Myself flexed, used our immortal powers to transfer into an entire new world.

IM FUCKING DONE! RWAR!
-OUT!!

EVERYONE NEEDS 2000 FLUSHES!

2006-03-17T09:58:00.000-08:00

hey schooner fucks!

Ok, I went to the doctor to see about the explosion into slow motion bullshit that had been happening. Unfortunately, they needed me for a physical. After in the waiting room for 3 seconds I kicked down the doctor's room and demanded him to hurry up. He has another patient, so I fucked that fuckers spinal cord out and using it like a flail I hit the doctor, he exploded on contact...all I did was tap him, what a pussy.

So I then decided to be a doctor for the day lets see some cases and MY remedies...
+Runny nose
-Punch in the nose
+Sore throat
-decapitation
+Liquid shit
-A round house kick once every 2 hours
+Broken limbs
-Break more limbs to forget about already broken limbs
+Small child sick
-death, instantly.
+Diseases and shit
-thrown into the sun
+allergies
-uhhhmmm a nose spray full of pepper

the list went on and on. Ami and my other 2 female ninjas were my nurses which I fucked every hour on the hour all at once. Death was there on call for people who just did not want to die, Satan and Jesus put aside their differences to help me with surgery...which none of us knew how to do. When the police showed up, I blamed Kabal, flexed, making the police think we were never there, and Kabal was arrested and while getting put in the car...still yelling "I WAS GOING TO HARVARD! MOTHERFUCKER!" We all laughed watching it on tv...thenI simutaneously threw the TV out the window which landed on my neighbors new car...there was a knock on my door, I kick it down. "WHAT!?" I screamed...it was Iori with a a piece of paper saying I had to leave my apartment...with one flex the paper jumped from Iori's hands and ran away crying. Iori announced "Motherfucker, I'll get you for my car you bastard." and he stormed off back to his hermit hole.

I opened a bag of chips and they all died

JKLOL!

just like grandma used to make um...

2006-02-09T18:25:00.000-08:00

Welcome to My first "Reviewed by peers" post, where members of the cast talk about me and say things about me. Yeah. its lame, and its gay but producers said "I HAVE TOO!" I ain't gottado shit, but what the hell.

Death: Yo, G.Daddy Reaper here. So yeah I met Rek when he was just coming out of high school, he is a dead man. you know that right? Yeah I was supposed to take his soul...but his soul holy hell. TOO FUCKING STRONG! He had killed over by tripping and impeling a butcher knife in his throat. But his soul, flexed the life right back into his body. Then he raped all the bitches and killed everyone in a 30 mile radius. He helped me send um to eternal suffering tho, so we became friends and all that good shit.

Ami: ...I protect him, cook for him, and fuck him. What more do you fucking want.

Jesus: Ok, first off due to popular belief I DO NOT LOVE EVERYBODY! But man, I love bacon mushroom pizza, beer, and asian chicks. And Metal...Yeah, I met Rekano one day while I was walking my wilderbeast and this dancing show grizzy bear attacked us, since my wilderbeast is a giant pussy it ran away. But Rekano dove in and beat the bear in a breakdance competition. It was freakin sweet. My dad, God was even impressed by the non-existance disco lights so I gave him my cell # and well, he can get me metal tickets easy.
JESUS OUT!

Iori: I hate the son of a bitch, he BUSTED MY FUCKING CAR! MY GODDAMN BUICK!

Female Ninja 1: We get paid...
Female Ninja 2: ...6 dollars and hour...just hanging around.

Kabal: *crying* I could have went to Harvard damn it...HARRRRVARRRRRD!

Satan: so yeah I-

As you can clearly see, none of them any problems with me of my lifestyle so go cook a Hot-Pocket in the fucking oven asshat!

MAKE A CAKE!

YOU DIDN'T FLUSH!

2006-02-06T18:07:00.000-08:00

Well after sitting around my apartment tormenting my neighbors Buick. Satan, being the bitch he is reminded us of the music concert...After tossing his sinn'n ass out my window; Death and I decided the ass-choad was right and with my 3 female ninjas we went searching for 3 more members...

We searched strip bars, my apartment, police station, my apartment, a daycare(which I powerslamed to the next solar system), and hell we even searched homeless people. I got pissed, I grabbed a random douche riding his bike and slung him to the nearest 3 year old...caused them both to mysteriously explode on impact.

Death and Ami finally punched me in the nads hard enough to calm me down. Suddenly Satan comes back with one of my old collage roomates, before I powerbombed it after they failed me. Kabal! This motherfucker was always a god damn beast with swords(that is before he tried to cut me and bent them all to shit) I told him he was going to be our Drummer. He said "no, I was about to get my diploma the second you blew up the collage. asshat." but I said "Good, see you tomorrow!"

Then on the way back to my apartment I decided to stop at the gas station and get an ice cold Pepsi. and HOLY SHIT my neighbor! Iori Yagami! I told him he was in my band and made him guitar. He replied, "Im not doing shit for you! YOU DESTROYED MY FUCKING CAR!" Although, he said it in plain english I told him "I don't understand Japanese, but I'll see you tomorrow morning." As I walked away, that slow motion shit kicked up again and the gas station burst into flames behind me as I opened my pepsi...I gotta see if thats normal.

After getting 2 members I knew I needed a last one...so I flexed one using the golden nunchaku and the sun, along with one ALMIGHTY flex, I them punched. Suddenly, there was a knock at my door. I kick it down, "YES!?" I screamed. "Yo man, you rang?" and yes, it was Jesus. I asked him if he will be lead...He then replied, "sure, I got some metal concerts to go to next weekend, but I can do this miracle."

And so*Picture appears(from left to right) Kabal, 2 female ninjas, Ami, Me, Jesus, Death, Satan, and Iori* we formed a band...may the Metal gods and Elvis save our souls.

KILL YOU!

Lighting FUCKS YOU UP!

2006-02-01T11:45:00.000-08:00

Ok, So I recently got out of prison after this stuppy crimefighter put me there. I got out due to "good behavior" I didn't know killing 30 people was "good behavior" but what the fuck ever.

Since then, I called upon my 3 female ninjas, satan, and Death while we decided we should hold a fucking concert because I said so. But we needed insturments, so we visit a near by mall. As soon as I walk in the fucking door some bitch sprays me with some fragrancy shit, enraged I broke her in half with my pinky.

Satan was bitching about something to drink, honestly. I could use a pepsi myself when we go up to order...this douche has the NERVE to say "We only sell coke products." I grabbed that SOB and launched his ass up the ceiling, on his decent down I dropkicked his head off his body right out of the air, I then Flexed the bystanders until they went back to there normal activities. A child died in the process.

So we finally get to the music store and start getting Drums sets, guitars, keyboards, a tuba, a flute, and mics. We go to the cashier and he says some outragous number, I tried to reason with him by saying "What if we put the flute back?" he still gave an outragous number. Angry, I handed the shit to satan. While Death and I, beat the fuck out of him before finally decapitating his bitch ass and sent him to a wrath of eternal suffering...and with one mighty flex, I blew up the mall and we walked back to the car, slowly. For some god damn unknown reason.

Peace Bitch.
-Rek

V8 SUCKS ASS!

2006-01-22T14:47:00.000-08:00

Hi asshats.
Last week I battled a stomache sickness, fucking evil mutant bullshit! So, I started to hit myself in the stomache until the fucker came out! After about 15mins I haxXed up the green fucker.

Withen in 0.001 secs. I grabbed his fruity ass and powerslamed him straight into the pavement...or I would have if that skaterboarder hadn't skated by. Slamming the douche of a skateboarder(no seriously, this guy sucked.) left no emotional remose after making him into a crater. However, this green bastard still wouldn't go down.

So I flexed, and flexed and for the sake of Elvis, I flexed once more. He was injured but not out yet, I called upon the golden nunchaku, my 3 female ninjas, satan, death and our harleys where we performed various levels of unparalleled ass kicking on this POS. Then we finished him off with a blast of Guitar sounds, Drum solos, Keyboard funkyness, and Ami's lovely vocals(one of my 3 female ninjas...yes, daddy has a favorite) But for some reason this thing refused to die!

Pissed beyond all timing, the roast was done. I ate it. I lived happy, everyone else sucked.

More whenever I feel like it.

-BITCH!

THE WHOLE CAN!

2006-01-17T16:01:00.000-08:00

Hey bitches, Everyones favorite is here! you can send the cockgobblers back to their rooms.
STORY TIME! *flexes a book*
Ok, once when I gave a damn. I was walking into some store and the pimple faced, pencil neck nerd behind the counter looked and had the nerve to tell me "May I help you?" With a swift decapitation I watched his head roll toward my feet, which I then stomped on and it exploded.

I was there on a mission to get my usual grocery list which is as follows
24 Pack of Pepsi
Orange Juice
Random Magazine
anything else I want

With that list in mind I tackled a stockboy and battled him to the death over a random room of hot lava. He fell and died...leaving me the champ...pussy.
Next orange juice, OH SNAP! one carton left...there was a toddler reaching for it! In one amazing leap I landed stomping on the little kid, turning him into a golden coin...I took the coin and the orange juice! WIN!
Random magazine was easy, or it would have been...if Gamepro didn't fucking suck so bad, I looked at cover. It alone caused me to leave, destroy them and headquarters, and get back to my shit.

Last item on the list, I saw a 60" Flat Screen Plasma...way up on the top shelf, being a lazy bastard I called my 3 Female Ninjas to get it. They did, cause they love teh cock.

The man at checkout gave me a total, I gave him the gold coin and a strict punch in the nose...knocking him out.
Then I went home. And typed this. *Flex*

RAWR!

ITS STALE! I'LL KILL YOU!

2006-01-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

Ok so last yesterday, I dominated a flock of geese by delivering devastating piledrivers and choke holds. I was doing this for 2 reasons: 1)It was fun. 2)I AM REKANO MOTHER FUCKER!
However, they began to rebel. And hit me with eat and feces, not taking this too kindly I called on the power of the "Golden Nunchaku" and beat the shit out of their general.

I demanded he tell me where they hid my $500 the bastard cheated me out of at poker. He didn't coopperate. So, my 3 female ninjas and I beat the fuck out of him using shit I never used before. Suddenly, he exploded into my $500 PLUS intrest (of 67 cents.)

So now I am $500.67 richer!

R0X!

Never Question Delivery

2006-01-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

Welcome, I am Rekano. This is my blog where I will tell you storys (YOU WILL LISTEN DAMN YOU!) I should start at the begining...but I am not going to! Only organized little bitches are organized. I'll start at a random point, like a real man*flex*

So after finishing off the Denny's near my home, I piledrived my car into the bowls of hell. Satan wrote me a parking ticket. Quickly, I challenged his ass to arm wrestling! Being satan, he cheated and won only to soon lose to my dreaded EWGF cause I am the 1337est mother fucker on the sun! After doing that, I had to choke slam a bunch of demons cause I said so. Possibly, If I cared I'd finish this story. But I don't. All you need to know is I pissed on my neighbors lawn, in which caused all the grass and flowers to die on contact.

I'M OUT!